Quotes from Victoria Coren Mitchell

I have cared so much and so little about the cars I've owned.

Given the choice, I'm sure the majority of children would rather have a packed lunch than school meals.

I know that I'm probably far more pedestrian and less talented than many who dreamed of becoming writers but couldn't see the road so easily.

Half the point of education is to build peer groups and social bonds.

It is impossible to identify a nice scent from within the chemical cloud of a perfume department.

I'm really bored by the constant vilifying of people (especially women) for things they didn't say.

I was a sporadically bossy child.

Seeking to ban things is as bossy as you can get.

The phrase 'working mum' makes me nervous.

Video piracy is among the most irritating aspects of modern life for those who work in the film business. Adverts telling you not to commit video piracy are among the most irritating aspects of modern life for those who don't.

I'd like to be more decisive. I can take an hour to choose between two brands of washing powder in the supermarket.

If you want to gnaw greenery in the morning for health reasons, do it in your own home with the curtains drawn.

I like the fact that the weather forecast is always wrong. In a world of BlackBerry insta-connection, Google research, and Hadron Colliders, it is a daily reminder of the ultimate ignorance of man. It is a signpost towards all the enormous things we cannot understand.

You will enjoy the TV and radio forecast much more if you stop taking it as advice and simply treat it as a short poem about the weather.

I play quite an old-fashioned game of poker. It's a lot about getting a sense of people at the table rather than the maths of the thing.

I'm just a poker player who does a bit of TV.

I never wanted poker to be a job. That's partly because I love it, and it's fun, and I didn't want it to stop being fun, and partly because, I suppose, something in me doesn't feel right about calling poker a job. It's not grown-up enough. But it's a hobby that takes up an enormous amount of my time.

Never take your makeup off before bed. Sleep in it. That way, you're all ready to go if a hot postman rings the doorbell early.

I've never danced while driving, nor put on makeup.

Weight gain is good because it makes your dresses tight. This is not necessarily classy or flattering, but it means you don't have to iron anything.

I pay higher premiums because my speeding points spell 'recklessness' to the insurance company, but you can't imagine how risk-averse I am at the wheel. I only go over 30 at all because it's dangerous to drive too much slower than everyone else.

The idea of MPs texting and emailing through debates makes my gorge rise, as it does when a minicab driver makes phone calls at the wheel. I'm not paying you to keep in touch with your mates!

Everyone likes a pair of comfy shoes. But is this an automatic right? Comfy shoes are clearly not allowed at the Oscars, for example. Why should criminals enjoy a treat that is denied to our favourite actresses? All prisoners, male and female, should be obliged to wear high heels. This would also make them easier to catch during riots.

I was never, in my whole school career, given a job as a monitor, a form captain, or a prefect. I never won any kind of prize.