Quotes from Mike Birbiglia

I was completely unqualified to get into Harvard. But then I went to my interview for Harvard, and the woman asked, 'Why do you want to go here?' And I took out all of my comedy writing samples that I had done. I couldn't have been more delusional in terms of what I thought they wanted in a candidate for college.

Sometimes I'll go to the grocery store and buy a bunch of groceries as though I knew how to cook, which I don't, and as though I was going to be home for the next six days, which I won't.

Over the years, I managed to develop this comedy career, went from opening act to headliner at comedy clubs, to playing concert halls, and had an off-Broadway show with 'Sleepwalk With Me.'

Pain is funnier than love.

As artists, we'd all love to not be commercial - to not sell out to the full extent that we are able. But you do what you have to do to pay New York rent and continue to do what you feel strongly about.

The ability to workshop in stand-up comedy is incomparable to any art form, in my opinion.

There's something about small venues that's amazing for developing material. It's almost like you can not only hear people's response, but you can understand it. In bigger venues you lose that, but you gain this sense of camaraderie in the audience.

I drank the Kool-Aid of being a network star. Once it didn't happen, I realized it wasn't the best version of my comedy.

Success is fleeting. It may not have to do with you but how your work is received.

I couldn't recommend more that people put themselves in a situation where they can see a lot of work that they admire, and for free.

What I always studied in screenwriting from my mentor John Glavin was that the most interesting characters are characters with shades of gray.

I like 'Donnie Darko' it's a cool take on dreams and sleep.

I've yet to write a stand-up show that isn't autobiographical.

Dopamine is a chemical released in your brain and your body when you sleep that paralyzes your body so you don't act out your dreams.

Essentially, retweets are like laughs.

Falling in love is a completely transcendent experience. It's like eating pizza-flavored ice cream

What I write is emotionally honest and truthful as the human experience can be, to make people feel less alone, or at least that's the hope.

Failure's hard. There's no way around. Bombing on stage never feels great. You feel judged, you feel alone. But then when your performance works, it's transcendent.

The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.

Everyone tries to get you to dance at clubs. They come up to you and say "You gotta dance! you gotta dance!" And then I dance, and they're like, "Not like that!"

My family isn't really Italian. We're more like Olive Garden Italian.

I don't smoke a lot of pot anymore. No one wants to hang around a guy who ends every sentence with, "Do you guys hate me?"

I was an altar boy as a kid. And the answer is no.

I struggled with that notion early in my career. 'I know this is funny but nobody is laughing.' This thought occurred for years.