Quotes from Marcus Brigstocke

I have learnt that I am incapable of packing the right amount of clothing, probably because I start 10 minutes before I'm supposed to leave, and that I truly hate airports.

I went to China for a brief working visit, and I thought that Shanghai was interesting, but Beijing totally grabbed me.

I failed to get into drama school, and my best friend told me I should do stand-up instead. I was always doing gags and voices, so he booked a gig for me without telling me. I only had four days to write it. I did a seven-minute set; the first four minutes were terrible, but the last two were amazing.

I'd lie in bed in my dormitory and grab at bits of my body, wanting to tear them off... I was so large by then that, in the heat, my thighs chafed together and bled. I was very unhappy, and yet no one ever asked me how I felt.

I find myself by default an atheist but fairly unhappily so. It would be bloody marvelous if there was a god.

I have a very good memory for scripts. I can watch a show I like once, then remember about 90% of the script. But ask me who was in it, and I wouldn't have a clue.

I am not racked with self-loathing. Some issues of guilt and shame, but I'm a pretty good guy.

The most successful comics are always the hardest-working ones.

Britain is obsessed with political correctness.

I think it's important never to look yourself up on Wikipedia. I think the temptation to correct any interesting factual errors would be too much.

I'm best known as a stand-up comedian, but I'm a good actor in the right role.

I spend my jollity on stage, so there is less in my own life.

Offence is important; that's how you know you care about things. Imagine a life where you're not offended. So dull.

I rarely fly, for environmental reasons more than anything else.

Never Google yourself. Seriously, don't!

And much as I enjoy writing and creating stuff, I don't enjoy it so much that I am willing to give up any time that could otherwise be spent performing.

I find it hard to get enthusiastic about hotels because, as a touring comic, I spend a lot of time in them.

My purist comedy friends accuse me of being a Jack of all trades and master of none.

I'm more pompous and self-assured and determined that if - you know - if the truth can be told so as to be understood, it will be believed.

Jim Henson was an absolute genius.

I stumbled on a joke idea and style that worked, the audience went with it and, from that moment on, I was hooked. It's an amazing feeling.

If you want something Scottish, go get yourself a kilt.

No one wants life to end. It was bad enough when my last tour came to an end.

I have an addictive personality. Boarding school merely sent me more quickly on the downward spiral that dominated my childhood.