Quotes from Rik Mayall

Words on the page don't have the same impact as somebody saying the words to you.

You perform for a different audience each night. People who don't understand just think that you go out there every night and do the same thing, but you don't - you have to find out who they are and give it to them.

Other people get moody in their forties and fifties - men get the male menopause. I missed the whole thing. I was just really happy.

I was brought up to be a good boy and proud of myself so I suppress all the things about me that are bad.

I don't have moments of weakness. I'm Rik Mayall.

I would love to do more on the stage; having actual contact with the audience is great. You can give them a good seeing to!

Darling? That's a funny name for a guy. Last person I called darling was pregnant twenty seconds later. ? Lord Flasheart (Rik Mayall), Blackadder: Goes Forth

Judge not lest ye be judged you fat motherfucker

If people were to find out that Comic Relief is a front for organ harvesting, drug dealing and global child prostitution, there'd be a hell of a stink. The papers would be all over us. And Cliff must never get found out.

know you think I'm taking the piss but I am the piss and I've not been taken anywhere. I go where I want. I am the freedom piss in the toilet of oblivion flushing myself away into the sewer pipe of broken dreams.

The Young Ones," she ejaculated, "that legendary situation comedy that exploded in the cultural wasteland of the early eighties like a five megaton nuclear warhead thereby forever changing the face of British broadcasting and leaving a big fuck off crater in the middle of it?" "The very same.

Hey, Adrian Edmondson," I said with compassion for the little tot, "why don't you eat my thesis and take my wallet and cigarette lighter so you can go to the pub and do some more of your drinking which you do so well although you're definitely not an alcoholic.

Lock up your daughters and hide your drugs (not that I would be looking for them because I never touch them).

oh just forget this fucking page. It's shit.

And the reason we were laughing so much was—honestly you're going to love this, we [fill in amusing and heart-warming anecdote here].)

Anyway, one of the things that I love about Ade in a butch matey kind of hard sort of way is the way that he likes to beat people up,

Crop rotation in the 14th century was considerably more widespread after John?

I had a very happy childhood, happy teenage years and I was famous by the time I was 22. A charmed life.

When you're an experienced celeb - which I am - you sometimes just need a bit of space, when you're not 'on'. I'm always on!

I have always tended toward extremism: I'm Motorhead rather than REO Speedwagon.

I ought to be groovy and be able to say the enemy is this and the enemy is that... but I've never been very good at... I don't want to have to answer questions I don't know the answer to properly. I have an opinion.

I'd love Shakey Bill to tell me a story - I mean, William Shakespeare, he could squeak a nib couldn't he?

When I was young, I saw some of my heroes doing it on the telly. We're talking about Spike Milligan, Peter Sellers, Arthur Lowe, Ian McKellan, Kenneth Williams. These were all guys telling stories to me.

I died. Which is fantastic, because I have died already; I have been there and come back. I am completely recovered, thank you.