Quotes from Charlie Brooker

Banking, as far as I can tell, seems to be almost as precise a science as using a slot machine. You either blindly hope for the best, delude yourself into thinking you've worked out a system, or open it up when no one's looking and rig the settings so it'll pay out illegally.

"Proper work" usually involves performing a task you hate on behalf of people you'd gleefully club to death with a bull's knee if only it were legal to do so.

If love were a product, the queue at the faulty goods desk would stretch right round the universe and back. It doesn't work properly. The seams come apart and it's full of powdered glass.

Like bankers, top footballers are massively overpaid, but at least you comprehend what they're doing for the money.

The fashion industry is the worst possible vessel for conveying an ethical message about anything.

I used to draw comics a lot. I was obsessed with 'The Young Ones,' and was massively into video games, although I was no good at them.

I haven't always been the kind of man who plays videogames. I used to be the kind of boy who played videogames.

If the Walkman had, by default, silently contacted your friends and told them what you were listening to, not only would no one have bought a Walkman in the first place, its designers would have been viewed with the utmost suspicion.

I could worry that I'm going to bleed to death, you know, from cutting my finger on a sandwich packet, you know, if I sort of open a sandwich.

I do think that it's a dysfunctional relationship between columnists and commentators, because they both seem to hate each other, like a terrible marriage.

People tend to think I'm a lot more earnest than I am.

'MasterChef''s preliminary stages deliver just the right level of almost-drama for viewers feeling shagged out after a hard day's fruitless existence.

On the other hand [making a string of one-off episodes], there's a real freedom, because you're kind of reinventing the show every week.