Quotes from Steve Coogan

Hacking into a victim of crime's phone is a sort of poetically elegant manifestation of a modus operandi the tabloids have.

I don't like comedy that I think is bad comedy, where people are trying to be sick for the sake of it, where there's no intellectual point behind it. I like stuff that's got an underlying point of view.

Me, myself, personally, I like to keep myself private. I have never said I am a paragon of virtue, a model of morality. I simply do what I do.

I'm an entertainer. I don't go round saying I'm a paragon of virtue, so that is clearly not in the public interest.

The one thing that gives you faith is the fact that people can be apart physically but they can still have an emotional connection.

Actually the best thing I did was to get thrown out by my wife. She's living with a fitness instructor. He drinks that yellow stuff in tins. He's an idiot.

I don't like big feet. It reminds me of gammon.

But with comedy it's a simple premise. If it's funny, people laugh. If it's not, they don't.

I'm gonna hump ya. Like Deputy Dog... Would hump ya.

A lot of people can be very scared about making themselves vulnerable and appearing uncool. I don't really give a damn; as long as it's funny, I'll do it [make fun of myself].

There's never any graffiti in the hotel. Although in the Gents a couple of weeks ago I did see someone had drawn a lady's part. Quite detailed. The guy obviously had talent.

Convoy? Michael, you're hanging around with a man who uses a collective term for a single vehicle.

I'm 47, my girlfriend's 33; she's 14 years younger than me: Back of the net!

It's arguably the best newspaper in the world.

Sadly, I can't say the same for my Father, who is probably in a different place - Hell.

The great thing is that the funny side of getting old is fuel for my comedy.

That was liquid football

I woke with a start. At first I assumed I'd trumped myself awake again.

Got my fungal foot powder? Ah, it's a lifesaver, you know. I'd effectively be disabled if it weren't for these.

I think it's always funny when you see kids do Shakespeare.

Two fat ladies, 88! Not that you'd find these ladies at a bingo hall, of course... they're altogether a higher class of fat lady.