Quotes from Dominic Holland

I am the first to admit that I have never been a household name.

Tom has a gilded life which I have had a glimpse of. Yes, he does travel in private jets.

There is nothing quite as loud as the silence of an audience when a comedian is on stage.

Because it's such a good car, I think we'll have a Multipla till the kids leave home, which is tragic because I could probably afford a really nice car!

I have tried many times to write a TV sitcom - with little success.

Even though Bandos is one of the biggest islands in the Maldives, it only takes 20 minutes to walk round. All it has are some chalets and a little harbour centre with three restaurants and a bar. The food is magnificent.

No one likes a pushy parent, and, 'pride' being one of the seven deadly sins, I needed to tread very carefully when creating a show about my eldest son, Tom, better known as Peter Parker and even better known as Marvel's new 'Spider-Man.'

Edinburgh is the most pressurised environment to do comedy. You get an hour. There's no compere. You'd better be on the money straight away; you've got journalists in.

Apathy in youth culture is pretty stark.

A barrel of laughs should be enough, but it's not. A good review is official and endures. A bad one is like a tub of Flora. It spreads easily and lasts for the whole festival.

I am not a natural show-off. Some of the monster comedians are terrifyingly assured, and I don't have that, and that's held me back.

I've been recognised in garages. I'll be paying for my petrol, and I'll see this guy looking at me, thinking, 'Is it him?' Then he'll be looking at my car: 'No, he couldn't be driving that car.' I've actually had two people say to me:,'Hello Dominic, I thought you might have a better car than that, mate!'

Invest your money safely. Avoid the risky lure of spectacular returns; go for an investment that cannot lose its value. This is why I have put all my spare cash into buying not shares, but thousands of penny chews.

Stand-up comedy is not for the faint-hearted or the thin-skinned.

How I've fed my kids over the years is by doing stand-up comedy in clubs.

I had a crisis of confidence and ran away from being a standup for a while.

When I do a show, I jot little notes for me to remember, and when the show is done and forgotten, I chuck them all over the car. My wife goes nuts.

My job is to make people laugh. If I've upset them instead, then I haven't done my job properly.

My story is comic because I've spent vast amounts of effort trying to become a Hollywood screenwriter and made no direct effort on making my son a movie actor.

I was spectacularly average at school, while my two brothers did really well academically. But my dad never said I didn't try hard enough. He knew I did my best.

When I was a little boy, I was fascinated by the way my dad used to laugh at the telly, and from a very early age, I had an idea of what was funny and why people laughed.

I must say that I am rather partial to funny dog videos.

Never trust a television executive.