Quotes from Paul O'Grady

Writing is such a solitary existence, and I can only do it late at night.

I dress up as a middle-aged prostitute and do a game show.

I was a really picky eater as a child. Because I was obsessed by Popeye, my mum and aunts would put my food in a can to represent spinach and we'd hum the Popeye tune and then I'd happily eat it.

I don't like awards ceremonies. I'd sooner go to the pub with mates I've known for years.

I was Popeye mad when I was a kid, and I'd eat spinach until the cows came home.

The worst drivers are women in people carriers, men in white vans and anyone in a baseball cap. That's just about everyone.

I can eat beef, provided it's minced in disguise. I couldn't eat a gammon steak. Forget it.

I think it's bad for fellas when they lose their mothers. Mine was such a character. Oh it was sad, really sad. And, with her gone, the family home was gone, so what was left of any roots I had were completely dug up.

I am quite happy to take a cut. You've got to, if you want to work and continue working.

Mum and Dad died of heart problems, my grandparents died of it, my sister has had mini strokes, my brother has had a heart attack - it's genetic; there's nothing I can do.

When my dog Buster died, I couldn't get over it. I was in bits.

I make a wonderful cure-all called Four Thieves, just like my mum did. It's cider vinegar, 36 cloves of garlic and four herbs, representing four looters of plague victims' homes in 1665 who had their sentences reduced from burning at the stake to hanging for explaining the recipe that kept them from catching the plague.

Comedy, your funny bone, is formed in childhood.

My primary school teacher once poured a bottle of curdled school milk forcefully down my throat. Then I threw it up all over her suede shoes. I'd rather have drunk from the spittoon in Barney's barber shop.

I enjoyed school - although I ran away on the first day. I'd reminded the teacher that it was nearly time for 'Watch With Mother' on TV.

I don't live with people, that's why my relationships last. I'm not romantic. Even when I was a teenager if somebody asked if they could hold my hand I'd say, - no, it's not heavy, I can hold it myself, thank you'.