Quotes from Diablo Cody

Gas Attendant: "Thata ain't no etch-a-sketch. Thats one doodle that can't be un-did home skillet.

When you're in a competitive environment, always give out the impression that you don't care. It makes people want you more. If you act desperate, it's over. I think a passive attitude is helpful. It comes naturally because I'm lazy.

Juno MacGuff: Nah... I mean, I'm already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?

Shoulda gone to China. They give away babies like free iPods. They put them in guns and shoot them out at sporting events.

Juno MacGuff: I don't know what kind of girl I am.

Juno MacGuff: Wise move. I know this girl who had a huge crazy freakout because she took too many behavioral meds at once. She took off all her clothes and jumped into the fountain at Ridgedale Mall and she was like, "Blaaaaah! I'm a kraken from the sea!" Su-Chin: That was you.

Vodka Redbull: Upper meets downer in an effervescent hybrid of bubble gum and junkie piss

Bren MacGuff: Well, honey, doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people scream...

In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.

Juno MacGuff: I was out handling things way beyond my maturity level.

Juno MacGuff: "Thanks a heap coyote ugly. This cactus-gram stings worse than your abandonment.

Love is mysterious and rad, like Steve Perry from Journey

Juno: WOOOAH! ....Dreeeaaam BIG!

Jeez banana! Shut your freaking gob!

Juno MacGuff: You can never have too many of your favorite one calorie breath mints.

Juno MacGuff: [yelling through the house] Dad? Mac MacGuff: What? Juno MacGuff: Either I just peed my pants or um... Mac MacGuff: *Or*...? Juno MacGuff: THUNDERCATS ARE GO!

Above the stage was a glass-floored second stage, which allowed customers to look up and watch another girl dancing overhead. This multidimensional display of poontang reminded me of the 3-D chessboard on Star Trek, which in turn reminded me that I was a huge nerd.

He wasn't a carrier of commitment-phobia or other notable boy diseases and he used expensive moisturizer. That's about all it takes to bang my gong.

Nobody comes to Minnesota to take their clothes off, at least as far as I know.

Juno: Honest to blog?

Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.

For me, stripping was an unusual kind of escape. I had nothing to escape but privilege, but I claimed asylum anyway. At twenty-four, it was my last chance to reject something and become nothing. I wanted to terrify myself. Mission accomplished.

Kyle dumped me for some stripper whore who shops at Wet Seal.

Of course, the strippers also take pains not to appear too innocent, valorous, or bookishly inclined. (In direct opposition to the Swayze Mandate of 1987, everybody puts Baby in a goddamn corner.)