Quotes from John Scalzi

To everyone who thinks writing a sequel should be easy because you've already clreated the universe: Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha! Heh. No.

I thought I saw him once, but it turned out to be a yeti

The man reached into his coat and pulled out a wallet containing an ID card. Agent Dwight, FBI. Miss Baker, I need you to come with me. You're in danger here. In danger? Robin said. In danger from what? Not from what. From who, Agent Dwight said, and glanced over at Creek. You're in danger from him. He's going to kill you, Miss Baker. At least he is going to try. Robin turned to Creek. You bastard, she said. You never said anything about killing me when we made the date.

The universe is a big place. Maybe we're not in the best neighborhood.

For all we know, this"—he scrolled up on the phone screen to find a label—"this Wikipedia information database here is compiled by complete idiots.

Don't discount that part of who he was just because you didn't know it. None of us are all of who we are to any one person.

The good news is I peed before going to sleep.

As far as Kiva could tell, whenever selfish humans encountered a wrenching, life-altering crisis, they embarked on a journey of five distinct stages: Denial. Denial. Denial. Fucking Denial. Oh shit everything is terrible grab what you can and run.

I think back to the day I stood before my wife's grave for the final time, and turned away from it without regret, because I knew that what she was was not contained in that hole in the ground. I entered a new life and found her again, in a woman who was entirely her own person. When this life is done, I'll turn away from it without regret as well, because I know she waits for me, in another, different life.

I'm a monster. You're a monster. We're all fucking inhuman monsters, and we don't see a damned thing wrong with it.

Colonel, I'm giving you a direct order. Eat the fucking cookie.

Captain, the problem is not that I'm paranoid. The problem is that the universe keeps justifying my paranoia.

So we're the monster police, too?" I said to Tom. "Correct," he replied. "The only real question is, who are the monsters?" "They ask that question in every monster movie, you know. It's an actual trope." "I know," Tom said. "What does it say about us that it's relevant every single time they ask it?

Rich people show their appreciation through favors. When everyone you know has more money than they know what to do with, money stops being a useful transactional tool. So instead you offer favors. Deals. Quid pro quos. Things that involve personal involvement rather than money. Because when you're that rich, your personal time is your limiting factor.

Ensign Davis thought, Screw this, I want to live, and swerved to avoid the land worms. But then he tripped and one of the land worms ate his face and he died anyway.

You'll notice that the Intrepid's inertial dampeners don't work as well in crisis situations, Dahl remembered Jenkins telling them. The ship could do hairpin turns and loop-de-loops any other time and you'd never notice. But whenever there's a dramatic event, there goes your footing.

Fear is a scavenger who feeds on the future; on what may be and what is possible, extending down the line of our lives.

Jesus, Kerensky said, looking around. You people. I have one of the most incredible experiences I'll ever have, talking with the one person who really gets me - who really understands me - and you're all down here thinking I'm performing some sort of time-travelling incestuous masturbation thing.

Part of what makes us human is what we mean to other people, and what people mean to us. I miss meaning something to someone, having that part of being human.

I've always liked swimming, so long as my head's above water.

She was my friend. Briefly, she was my lover. She was braver than I ever would have been in the moment of death. And I bet she was a hell of a shooting star.

I'm going to go pee. If the universe is bigger and stranger than I can imagine, it's best to meet it with an empty bladder.

Dirk Moeller didn't know if he could fart his way into a major diplomatic incident. But he was ready to find out.

Is it a shark made of ice? Hanoen asked. Or a shark that lives in ice?