Quotes from Jo Brand

I have friends who vote Tory, and I'm appalled, but that's not to say they're not great people in so many other ways.

I pay a bit more than lip-service to health: I don't eat chips or pre-prepared food, and it might be a comedy sacrilege to admit I do like vegetables, fruit and salad and stuff.

I can honestly say I've never sold any arms to a repressive foreign regime while reassuring everyone at home that the weapons will be used for nice things.

I tend to think the world is a bit of a miserable place, so anyone who can add to people's optimistic, cheerful side is doing a good job, which is what I hope I'm doing.

I was really, because I thought it was extremely excruciating when I watched a tape of it, that my husband taped for me and I never watched it again after that.

As a comic and as a nurse, it's important to look calm on the surface when you're absolutely crapping yourself inside. So, if someone is waving a machete at you, which has happened to me when I was a nurse, it's important to make that person feel that you're in control.

The way to a man's heart is through his hanky pocket with a breadknife.

We women continue to swallow this line that it's unladylike or even proof of being a lesbian if you wear flat shoes like Doc Martens. I'm prepared to put up with that accusation, because at least my feet aren't killing me and I don't look like a bandy ostrich.

I've no interest in fashion, shoes, handbags, or sweaty shopping.

I swam at school a lot. Long-distance swimming in pools, and diving, then when we moved to Hastings when I was 13 I used to swim in the sea all the time; I loved it out of season and when it was rough.

I have big friends who won't go swimming because they're too embarrassed about it. I feel that's such a shame, because actually people should be encouraging fat people who are exercising to do it, not pointing and laughing.

You don't really see ugly people that are old, or a bit grotty and smelly, in the media. If a Martian came down, they would think we were all tall, thin, attractive and wealthy.

To me, a politician's job is to listen to constituents' problems and try to sort them out.

I'm a terrible sort of non-fussy eater, really. I don't like posh food very much, and the more ingredients something's got in it, the less I tend to like it.

My mum is bright, ambitious, well read, political and very bolshie: when my dad was conscripted into the Army and posted to Libya, she convinced some general to let her go with him. I don't know how she managed it.

People are so different in reality from the picture created of them on TV. So it's all a creation; everything is made up.

I'm sure some cynical people would point to that as the main reason for doing it for a lot of people.

There are lots of people who believe that caricature of me the tabloids created, so they think they don't like me.

How do you conduct an intimate relationship where no one ever loses it? Where no one ever lashes out, where no one ever smacks anyone in the mouth?

Being Christian towards poor people means trying to improve their lives and give them back some self-respect.

I used to get nervous about three weeks before a gig... now I've managed to condense it down to a manageable ten minutes.

If I am totally honest, I would have to say that 'Allo 'Allo!' was not my cup of tea, even though lots of people loved it. For that reason, I find comedy fascinating. There is a huge difference between what people find funny.

There are 10-20 times more male comics than female comics; it's something to do with the social structure of society.

My personal opinion is that you can't be racist towards white people. You can be prejudiced about them, but being prejudiced isn't an illegal act, whereas being racist can be.