Quotes from Gary Owens

Then, when I got in the military, I used to host - even in high school - I hosted the talent shows, and when I was in the military I would host all of our base Christmas parties and stuff.

I'm not a mean comic, I don't want to turn anybody off - I just want to give a point of view or my take on things that everyone can laugh at.

Then, when I got in the military, I used to host - even in high school - I hosted the talent shows, and when I was in the military I would host all of our base Christmas parties and stuff.

My comedy isn't going to solve problems; I'm not that deep.

You can't lose weight without exercise. But I've got a philosophy about exercise. I don't think you should punish your legs for something your mouth did. Drag your lips around the block once or twice.

I've been on every diet in the world. The best one is the BBC diet: Buy Bigger Clothes.