Quotes from Gretchen Rubin

intentions," also known as "action triggers" or "if-then" planning. "If ________ happens, then I will do _______." With "if-then" planning, we try to plan for every habit challenge that might arise, so we don't make decisions in the heat of the moment—we've already decided how to behave.

Rebels often seek out careers that give them the flexibility to choose their work, set their own schedules, and avoid having to answer to other people.

So while [Upholds] live by the motto, 'Discipline brings freedom,' [Rebels] live by the motto: 'Freedom is my discipline.

When we consider our own Tendency, we can create circumstances and messages that will work best for us, and when we consider other people's Tendencies, we can create circumstances and messages that will work best for them.

Habits are the invisible architecture of daily life.

Feeling right" is about living the life that's right for you—in occupation, location, marital status, and so on. It's also about virtue: doing your duty, living up to the expectations you set for yourself. For some people, "feeling right" can also include less elevated considerations: achieving a certain job status or material standard of living.

Purpose? Hope? None of these words seemed right. Then I thought of a line from William Butler Yeats. "Happiness," wrote Yeats, "is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing.

Feeling right" is about living the life that's right for you—in occupation, location, marital status, and so on. It's also about virtue: doing your duty

Upholders-tipped-to-Obligers have a commitment to both inner and outer expectations, for them, the pull of outer expectations is very hard to ignore; UPHOLDER/Obligers must be sure to articulate inner expectations and to create boundaries to protect inner expectations from outer interference.

Any single happy experience may be amplified or minimized, depending on how much attention you give it.

When you give up expecting a spouse to change (within reason), you lessen anger and resentment, and that creates a more loving atmosphere in a marriage.

Of course, it's also true that some people thrive in an atmosphere of disarray. For them, an uncluttered environment doesn't help—or may even stifle—their productivity, their creativity, and their peace of mind.

studies show that your happiness is often boosted more by providing

For Moderators, the first bite tastes the best, and then their pleasure gradually drops, and they might even stop eating before they're finished. For Abstainers, however, the desire for each bite is just as strong as for the first bite—or stronger, so they may want seconds, too.

Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing.

There is a myth, sometimes widespread, that a person need do only inner work . . . that a man is entirely responsible for his own problems; and that to cure himself, he need only change himself. . . . The fact is, a person is so formed by his surroundings, that his state of harmony depends entirely on his harmony with his surroundings. —Christopher Alexander, The Timeless Way of Building

Upholders may struggle in situations where expectations aren't clear or the rules aren't established. They may feel compelled to meet expectations, even ones that seem pointless. They may feel uneasy when they know they're breaking the rules, even unnecessary rules, unless they work out a powerful justification to do so.

to other people than from receiving support yourself. I certainly get more satisfaction out of thinking about good deeds I've done for other people than I do from thinking about good deeds that others have done for me.

happiness is not having less; happiness is not having more; happiness is wanting what I have.

as always, Upholders must make sure to articulate their inner expectations.

Extroversion: response to reward Neuroticism: response to threat Conscientiousness: response to inhibition (self-control, planning) Agreeableness: regard for others Openness to experience: breadth of mental associations

To eke out the most happiness from an experience, we must anticipate it, savor it as it unfolds, express happiness, and recall a happy memory. Any single happy experience may be amplified or minimized, depending on how much attention you give it.

One thing that continually astonishes me is the degree to which we're influenced by sheer convenience. The amount of effort, time, or decision making required by an action has a huge influence on habit formation.

Finally, it became perfectly obvious. A finish line marks a stopping point. Once we stop, we must start over, and starting over is harder than continuing.