Quotes from Willie Geist

If you're one of the fortunate few on this Earth with a pass to enter the gates of Augusta National on Masters Sunday, you don't leave early. You just don't. If it's a Masters Sunday when Tiger Woods is near the top of the leader board, you really don't leave early.

It's fun to deliver material on live TV because it's more off-the-cuff, but I like writing better. You really can measure the joke, think an extra second and nail the right reference.

Everyone worries about their kids, of course, but you can drive yourself nuts thinking about all the horrible things in the world - and many, many people do. I believe life is to be lived and not survived.

If the relentless personal maintenance plan has taken over your life, give it a rest.

I don't know that I 'look up' to them, but in our predictably partisan media world, I admire journalists who are genuinely nonpartisan and totally fearless in their work - people who have no interest in being invited to the cocktail party. I don't agree with everything he writes, but Glenn Greenwald comes to mind.

You don't really have to say much when your headline is 'Drag Queen Robs Burger King.' Sometimes comedy writes itself.

I have a simple plan to solve the economic crisis. Give every American a $100 credit to the dog track of their choice. I have found the puppies to be a reliable source of income with a consistent rate of return.

Sometimes @BrookeShields rolls into your party dressed as a Christmas tree, carrying a bucket of KFC. pic.twitter.com/DTtZkZY4cB

It doesn't matter if you're famous or infamous. All that matters is you're a celebrity.

I think there's something about the homemade birthday cake, because my wife, on my daughter's first birthday, started the tradition where she takes a full cake and cuts the number birthday out of it.

The great 'New York Times' columnist Dave Anderson famously slept one year in a child's race-car bed. There he was, Pulitzer Prize and all, snoring as his feet dangled over the rear tires of Lightning McQueen.

My daughter will be reading about Pat Buchanan in a history book someday, and I am hanging out fist-bumping with him and joking with him.

Kanye is going to have to decide early whether or not he's a Baby Bjorn guy, because the minute you put on that Baby Bjorn, there's no turning back. It's like buying a minivan. You lose a little piece of yourself when you get that Baby Bjorn.

I often eat Skippy's Super Chunk peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon. I don't shamefully sneak it in the dark of night when everyone is in bed. I just twist that cap off and go to town right out in the open.

I'm not a huge luck guy. I think you make your own luck. I don't really believe in some other force making your own luck.

Nashville, man. That's the place to be.

I think President Obama has always been a little bit underestimated. Some of the things he's done with foreign policy have been unassailable. Getting us out of Iraq, killing Osama Bin Laden.

When you live in New York City, you run up a long list of things you've been meaning to do.

The nice thing about 'Morning Joe' is that I do get to do serious news sometimes.

I am one of the five best parallel parkers in the United States of America. Dead serious. It's to the point now where I look back when pulling into the spot only as a formality.

High on the list of things I've been meaning to do since I moved to New York in 2004 is going up to a Columbia University football game.

I guess it turns out choosing your life partner from a group of men trying to get their break in show business by sitting around shirtless in a swimming pool while cameras watch around the clock isn't the path to a soulmate after all.

I hate to make this point too often, but imagine for a moment George W. Bush were on his sixth vacation, and he was asked about Iraq, and he said 'I'm buying shrimp.' You think that wouldn't be a headline everywhere?

I don't think anybody's quite accurately branded me. I'm not sure I could do it myself.