Quotes from Jasper Carrott

I learned a lot about human nature. So much, in fact, that human nature will be my specialist subject on 'Mastermind'.

My heart was always in my mouth when I started on a new routine.

I've played with some very famous bandits in my time on the celebrity golf circuit.

They put up this bloke's picture on Crimewatch UK with a phone number and said 'Have you seen this man?' Well my auntie rang them up and said 'No'.

I was never the class clown, and I've no idea where the comedy came from.

Happiness to me is simply not being unhappy.

Laughter is the best medicine - unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list.

I started to develop my comedy skills when I became resident singer at the Boggery Folk Club in Solihull. My career blossomed from there, and I became a big draw on the folk-club circuit.

There is no way in my right mind I would contemplate running 26 miles-plus unless it involved a chase with Pamela Anderson.

After leaving school, I got a job in a department store not dissimilar to Grace Bros in 'Are You Being Served?'

I have to confess here that I am a useless cook.

The impact of T.V. on our lives in general gets most things out of proportion.

My real name is Bob Davis, but for some reason, I got the name Jasper while playing football at the local rec when I was nine years old, and it just stuck. Years later, when someone asked 'Jasper who?' I just said 'Carrott' - but I have no idea why I came out with that particular word.

The whole debate on what food is best for us is complex, ongoing and often controlled by vested interests.