Quotes from Sam Kinison

I guess my main influences are Jesus, rock 'n' roll and ex-wives. In that order.

I guess they're tough jokes. But there's lots of things you either laugh or cry at. And you just can't cry.

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.

So many people counted on me to be the party, I had to move far enough away that they wouldn't want to drive there.

Obviously I'm not a role model for impressionable youth.

So many of these comics are just frustrated singers or actors - they want to get a gig doing a sitcom. It's paint-by-the-numbers comedy, lame joke-telling. They're drawn to it as a career move.

Not that I want to put the entire rap music style down - I just don't like it. And I know somewhere there's gotta be another guy like that. There's gotta be a guy just like that - just like me. There's gotta be somebody, somewhere... Maybe, maybe an assassin type.

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy attacks, man.

In the 1990s, it's OK to do comedy about the Chernobyl disaster or the Space Shuttle blowing up. It's acceptable to ridicule the Pope or the President of the United States, but God forbid you do a joke... about gays. The gay community is the last sacred cow in this society.

Ive never been against women. That anti-feminist rap is bogus. I think men should be nice to women, buy them diamonds.

With any other celebrity, people come up and say, 'Hey, I really like your work.' But with my fans, when they see me, they don't even say hello. They just go, 'AWWWWWGHGHHHGHGHRRR!'

Folks, I've been straight for seventeen days... Not all in a row.

I want to show people that there's a side of myself other than just the outrageous comedian.

Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.

I'm attracted to heartbreakers.

It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!

I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.

There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.