Quotes from Deborah Tannen

Conflict and opposition are as necessary as cooperation and agreement, but the scale is off balance, with conflict and opposition overweighted.

There are those who believe that the existence of gender differences at very early ages is evidence that these differences are biological or generic in origin.

Public discourse requires making an argument for a point of view, not having an argument - as in having a fight.

People vary. You change your style, your hair, and the way you dress. Talking differently will be a part of that.

The political Right is particularly vehement when it comes to compromise. Conservatives are now strongly swayed by the Tea Party movement, whose clarion call is a refusal to compromise regardless of the practical consequences.

I've long believed that if you understand how conversational styles work, you can make adjustments in conversations to get what you want in your relationships.

There is more excitement, more amazement when a first is born. No subsequent babies can have that impact.

Some days you just want to get dressed and go about your business. But if you're a woman, you can't, because there is no unmarked woman.

I'm a linguist. I study how people talk to each other and how the ways we talk affect our relationships.

The contrasting focus on connection versus hierarchy also sheds light on innumerable adult conversations - and frustrations. Say a woman tells another about a personal problem and hears in response, 'I know how you feel' or 'the same thing happens to me.' The resulting 'troubles talk' reinforces the connection between them.

Much of my work over the years has developed the premise that women's styles of friendship and conversation aren't inherently better than men's, simply different.

Male-female conversation is cross-cultural communication

A double bind is far worse than a straightforward damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't dilemma. It requires you to obey two mutually exclusive commands: Anything you do to fulfill one violates the other.

Saying that men talk about baseball in order to avoid talking about their feelings is the same as saying that women talk about their feelings in order to avoid talking about baseball.