Quotes from Danny Wallace

There's honour amongst the myopic. You can trust us. We're honest about our disability – not like people who wear contact lenses, the deceitful bastards.

So, maybe Yeses are meant to be shared. Maybe that's what all this is about. Maybe life's about finding opportunities to share with someone. That's all it is, when you think about it. A series of opportunities to share.

The pub, Ian. Today. Be there.' And I slammed my phone down, dramatically. And then I realized what I'd done and rang him back and told him which pub and at what time, and he said could we make it a bit later, and I said okay, and he said bye and so did I. It was just like in a film.

I LIKE TENNIS BALLS! TENNIS BALLS ARE ROUND! I LIKE ROUND THINGS!

He noticed that the streets didn't feel as safe when there were fewer women on them. So he launched a Night Without Men, where women were encouraged to hit the bars and restaurants and the men were encouraged to stay at home with the kids.

Well – at least Binky's in a zoo.' 'Yes, he's in a zoo, where they keep wild hunting dogs and lions. They all get on so well, it's like Madagascar 3 in here.

Her pen tapped her order pad, excitement finding a way out, the way bubbles of air find their way to the surface.

I grabbed my coat. We were off. Well, I grabbed my coat, waited the best part of an hour for Hanne to choose between one pair of black trousers and another virtually identical pair, had a cup of tea, approved the trousers, and then we were off.

We supped at our pints, imagining a whale fighting a giant squid, probably just as thousands of other men in pubs across the land were doing at that moment.

It's exciting for a boy to have a project. For one thing, it makes you start thinking of stationary, and we all know how exciting that can be… But there's something about buying a new ringbinder that really makes me feel like a grownup. That said, I don't actually own any.

It was 8am. My phone was ringing. What kind of society do we live in where someone can make your phone ring at 8am? There should be rules.

I lay, shamefaced and embarrassed, in my bed. Which is a deeply unusual place for me to feel shamefaced and embarrassed, and anyone who says otherwise is a bloody liar.

Vedete, una storia che finisce puoi affrontarla. Fa male, e per un po' è un dolore così lacerante che è come se i polmoni collassassero e il cuore implodesse ogni volta che ti rendi conto che se n'è andato. Ma man mano che passa il tempo, almeno per me, è quello che è rimasto, quelle briciole sul pavimento, che ti aiutano a continuare. Quelle modeste prove che ti aiutano a guarire, questa è l'idea che mi sono fatta.

Io penso che le cose cambino, è ovvio. Ma in base alla mia esperienza, penso spesso che le cose cambiano perché la gente non cambia.

I found shelter from a thin rain in the laundrette opposite, the hot air thick with Persil.

Yeah, but if your heart isn't in it, you need to be where your heart is.

So they live in a cottage?' said Buster, wrinkling his nose. 'What – like a grandma? Full of doilies and knitting?

Foulk and friends suggest the toxic effect of rudeness - some actually call it a neurotoxin - lasts an entire week. It can spread like wildfire around a contained office, leading to general hostility, lower morale, poorer performance, and worse coffee. ... In fact, it's been shown that even when the rude behavior is mild at best, it impairs a person's basic ability to think. F You Very Much pages 23-24

Authority figures do that to me… Put someone slightly taller than me in a hat and I'll do whatever they ask.

It's just a bit annoying when a man you've only just met thinks you're planning to assassinate a world leader. It puts a downer on your whole day. You start wondering who else people think you're secretly planning to kill.

I didn't know how to feel. I'd been rebuffed. I hadn't even been trying to buff.

Hello?' said the taxi driver, and I realized that it's all very well having an internal monologue, but it does tend to leave the other person a bit stranded, conversationally.

Andy had been a good friend, and a good human being. Someone who was loyal, and upbeat, and funny. You think if you're not in touch with someone, everything is probably okay with them. Life just ticks along. They do the same things as you. They grow up. They meet a girl. Maybe they get married. They progress in their work. Perhaps they get into IT, or move abroad, or have a kid. Maybe they get rich, maybe they stay poor. But you never, ever think, that maybe they're dead.

I'm a long-time fan of Rob Long, and his books are hugely re-readable, detailing the ins and outs of being a Hollywood comedy writer with a past success but with everything to prove.