Quotes from Sue Townsend

I am starting to get a bit suspicious about my mother's feelings towards Mr Lucas. I found a note she had from him; it says: 'Pauline, how much longer? For God's sake come away with me. Yours forever, Bimbo.' Although it was signed 'Bimbo' I know it was from Mr Lucas because it was written on the back of his red electricity bill.

vandal, Mole

said he 'would rather go without'.

poncy', and the tea, saying it was 'as weak as a sailor's arsehole'. Eventually

To me then, at the age of eleven, Santa Clause was a bit like God, all-seeing, all-knowing, but without the lousy things that God allows to happen: earthquakes, famines, motorway crashes.

My own improverished family benefit from Nigel's impetuousness. We are all walking around in Nigel's new old shoes. Even Grandma is wearing a pair. They are too big for her but, with the wisdom of the old, she found a way of making them fit by stuffing the toes with toilet paper.

I expect the experience will give me a trauma at some stage in the future. I'm all right at the moment, but you never know.

I hadn't actually tasted whisky before and I never will again. How people can drink it for pleasure I don't know. If it was in a medicine bottle they would pour it down the sink!

Since I learned to read I've used them as a kind of anaesthetic.

It's the ordinary people who will have to learn to accept us.

Reasons for not living: You die anyway. Life is nothing but anguish. There is to much cruelty in the world. Reasons for living: Things might get better.

Found strange device in bathroom this morning. It looked like an egg timer. It said "Predictor" on the side of the box. I hope my Mother is not dabbling with the occult

Alexander assured her, 'Eva, none of us know our children. Because they are not us.

GOOD FRIDAY Poor Jesus, it must have been dead awful for him.

Lady Diana melted my heartstrings in her dirty white dress. She even helped an old man up the aisle. I thought it was very kind of her considering it was her wedding day. Loads of dead famous people were there. Nancy Reagan, Spike Milligan, Mark Phillips, etc., etc. The Queen looked a bit jealous. I expect it was because people weren't looking at her for a change.

Hitesh, old flower, Christmas is exactly the same, it's you

But I must say that I take my hat off to Sainsbury's, they seem to attract a better class of person. I saw a vicar choosing toilet paper; he chose a four-roll pack of purple three-ply. He must have money to burn! He could have bought some shiny white and given the difference to the poor. What a hypocrite!

Mrs Ball. They

Quinguagesima. St David's Day

There's only one thing more boring than listening to other people's dreams, and that's listening to their problems.

She liked people. Me, I can take them or leave them, but mostly leave them.

Now I know I am an intellectual. I saw Malcolm Muggeridge on the television last night, and I understood nearly every word. It all adds up. A bad home, poor diet, not liking punk. I think I will join the library and see what happens.

I have a problem. I am an intellectual, but at the same time I am not very clever.

Will you lie to me and promise to read them? Books need to be read. The pages need to be turned.