Quotes from David Spade

It's just a campy blast. I just want to do as little as I can and make it good, and try not to sell out. I'm sure I will, but I'm just trying to postpone it.

Most of the shows I want to do I'm not smart enough to figure out how to watch.

It's just easier to make fun and cut down. It's kind of a way of life in America. If you can make people want to hear what you're going to say, it can be cruel and funny.

Nobody wants to read about your life. Who cares?

I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those.

When I'm interviewed on Leno, just be funny, period. That's all they want from me. I don't want to tell my life story.

I never have kids in movies or in TV shows.

Everyone is so weird in L.A. that if you're somewhat normal, it's exotic.

There's always something funny about men chasing women.

It's brutal. I see friends when their shows don't work. Everything's riding on making money and all the pressure and how people scatter when fortunes turn downward.

I'm a gentleman and I was always taught it's rude, to talk about a woman's age or weight unless you are breaking up with her.

To make money I picked up work as a busboy, valet parker, skateboard shop employee.

I have no detectable hair style.

I think the chances are better of me putting Super Unleaded into a rented car.

The hard part about SNL is, there's no real communication when you get there. It's not like people are mean to you, they just act like you're not there.

You know the drill. 18 is legal. 17 with consent. 16 with a note. 15 if her dad's in the room. Low five!

There are too many fawning entertainment shows out there and not one of them is making fun of it all.

In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends.