Quotes from Wendy Liebman

Just figuring it out for 30 years - 30 years... I think I'm ready now to expand - to grow.

I've been pitching a show of five female stand-up comedians through the generations, from Phyllis Diller to Amy Schumer, so when I got an e-mail asking me if I would participate in the Women in Comedy Festival, I was thrilled.

My husband and I had recently been in a car accident, and I came out of that experience with more clarity about my career and the energy to continue to pursue it hard, no matter what the challenges.

I love being a housewife... I love doing laundry. Except I have a little bit of separation anxiety, and you have to separate your laundry, so I have a little bit of a problem there.

I think it's never too late to start anything, except maybe being a ballerina.

I took an acting class. After the first day, the teacher quit, so they said take another. When I saw 'How to be a Stand-up Comedian,' it resonated. I realized I'd rather make 200 people laugh than make one person cry.

I used to write jokes with friends. We'd pick a topic and then think out loud, brainstorm.

At one point, I wrote 20 jokes a day, and I had a commitment to send them to the same three people. Now, I just write down what my husband says in his sleep. He's the funniest person, even unconscious.

People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them... Well, it's killing me!

My sister and I had a lemonade stand - with a two-drink minimum.

I would love to do a sitcom. I see myself as an older woman, getting married, and her stepchildren, who are in their twenties, move back home.

I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know that?

I'm going to get married again because I'm more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.

Most of my childhood is a big blur, 'cause I needed better glasses.

People ask me if they can send me material, and some people give or send it to me unsolicited, but I rarely buy jokes.

A couple of weeks ago, I did karaoke and got nervous in a way I hadn't gotten nervous in 25 years. I'm so used to getting on stage in front of strangers to tell jokes, but singing is a whole different animal.

I don't think I was funny until college. I lived with some Harvard MD/PhD students - they were so smart, and what I contributed to the house was, I was the funny one.

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.

I'm a writer. I write checks. They're not very good.

I spend a lot of time on Facebook and Twitter writing all day long because I feel it's my job to entertain people.

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.

I think I'd be a good mother. Maybe a little overprotective. Like I would never let the kid out, of my body.

I don't like to channel surf. You guys like it, don't you. You guys like to change the channel. We like to change you.