Quotes from Bill Murray

I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I have hundreds of people waiting in line to abuse me!

It's a lot of work to read a crummy script.

You don't have to have all this film stock, you can work faster, and you don't need a giant crew. It's great.

I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. When it's my birthday, and when it's not my birthday.

All of us kids ended up 'doing Mom.' There are four of us who've tried show business. Five if you insist on counting my sister the nun, who does liturgical dance.

Parties are only bad when a fight breaks out, when men fight over women or vice versa. Someone takes a fall, an ambulance comes, and the police arrive. If you can avoid those things, pretty much all behaviour is acceptable.

When I work, my first relationship with people is professional.

I have a brother who gives socks for Christmas. He gives socks. Every year, I get a pair of socks from him.

My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 computer. They went to the moon. I throw birds at pig houses

There's only a couple times when fame is ever helpful. Sometimes you can get into a restaurant where the kitchen is just closing. Sometimes you can avoid a traffic violation. But the only time it really matters is in the emergency room with your kids. That's when you want to be noticed, because it's very easy to get forgotten in an ER.

But I can only take so much TV, because there is so much advice. I find people will preach about virtually anything - your diet, how to live your life, how to improve your golf. The lot. I have always had a thing against the Mister Know-It-Alls.

The future isn't something that just happens. It is a brutal force with a great sense of humor that will steamroll if you're not watching.

You can tell how boring a person is by the lack of fear in their eyes when someone is flipping through photos on their phone.

Friendship is so weird. You just pick a human you've met and you're like, 'Yep, I like this one,' and you just do stuff with them.

I'm a nut, but not just a nut.

Well, the past is gone, I know that. The future isn't here yet, whatever it's going to be. So, all there is, is this. The present. That's it.