Quotes from Mark Twain

Occasionally, merely for the pleasure of being cruel, we put unoffending Frenchmen on the rack with questions framed in the incomprehensible jargon of their native language, and while they writhed, we impaled them, we peppered them, we scarified them, with their own vile verbs and participles.

A full belly is of little worth where the mind is starved, and the heart.

If the writer doesn't sweat, the reader will.

Don't let school interfere with your education.

When a man goes back to look at the house of his childhood, it has always shrunk: There is no instance of such a house being as big as the picture in memory and imagination call for.

Well, Judge Thatcher he took it and put it out at interest, and it fetched us a dollar a day apiece all the year round— more than a body could tell what to do with.

It seems manifest, then, that the latter tongue (German) ought to be trimmed down and repaired. If it is to remain as it is, it ought to be gently and reverently set aside among the dead languages, for only the dead have time to learn it.

We speak of nature; it is folly; there is no such thing as nature; what we call by that misleading name is merely heredity and training. We have no thoughts of our own, no opinions of our own; they are transmitted to us, trained into us.

So there ain't nothing more to write about, and I am rotten glad of it, because if I'd a knowed what a trouble it was to make a book I wouldn't a tackled it and ain't going to no more.

To all intents and purposes Roxy was as white as anybody, but the one sixteenth of her which was black outvoted the other fifteen parts and made her a Negro. She was a slave, and salable as such.

You can't pray a lie.

Good gracious! Anybody hurt?" "No'm. Killed a nigger." "Well, it's lucky; because sometimes people do get hurt.

Prophecy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.

She said all a body would have to do there [Heaven] was to go around all day long with a harp and sing, forever and ever.

The first time the Deity came down to earth, he brought life and death; when he came the second time, he brought hell.

I reck'n I knows sense when I sees it; en dey ain' no sense in sich doin's as dat.

I did not steal your paltry goods!

Man will do MANY things to get himself loved. Man will do ALL things to get himself envied.

If you notice, most folks don't go to church only when they've got to; but a hog is different.

The first most important day of you life is the day you were born. The second is when you discover why.

Covek je stvorenje nacinjeno na kraju radne nedelje kad se Bog umorio. I cemu je trebalo celi ovaj globus stvarati u zurbi, za sest dana. Da se potrosilo malo vise vremena, svet se ne bi trebalo toliko popravljati i poboljsavati. Slicno se desava kad na brzinu sklepas kucu, pa u zurbi zaboravis WC, ili spremiste za metle, i to onda moras naknadno dograditi, bez obzira koliko te to kostalo novaca ili zivaca.

Most of the adventures recorded in this book really occurred;

Every one is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody

The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.