Quotes from Jon Richardson

I'm not building my life round not being able to bear the thought of being in my 60s and not having someone next to me when I wake up in the morning. That's not what drives me.

I accept you can't achieve perfection all the time, but you can achieve perfection of intent, maybe. I don't think you can go into a relationship with anything other than the intention of it being perfect.

If I'm with someone, I want them to be perfectly happy all the time. That, for me, would be the reason you would devote yourself to one person.

I really like stews: everything in a bowl boiled down right to its essence.

I think anyone can bake, but I don't think I can bake well. I sort of feel like baking is just, like, chocolate and butter and sugar, and that is always nice, so I think anyone can bake, you can put those things together, and it will come out all right. The next level of that, I definitely can't do.

People associate me with being pernickety and down. In the past, I was guilty of keeping myself like that just to maintain my comic persona.

If you don't wash dishes properly, you will get ill. And you will lose friends because they'll come to your house, you'll give them tea in a filthy cup, and they'll never see you again.

I like small parties with people I know. I like eating pizza at home with my girlfriend.

In reality, as a comedian, you're successful because you're funny, and you should be able to be funny about anything.

'One Leg Too Few' by Peter Cook is a perfect sketch. The setting is ridiculous, the language is beautiful, and the performances make the most of every syllable and movement.

I'm still very much a Northerner. I try to have chips and gravy twice a week.

Each show is a very honest portrayal of how I'm feeling that night. It can go off in any direction. The show is different every night, and that makes it much more exciting. Every evening is unique.

I remember a night when I was living in Swindon on my own, and I couldn't sit on the couch because there were two cushions, and I couldn't sit equally between them.

My mum's amazing. She's the person I admire most, I think, in her sacrifice to me and my sister and her level of emotional sacrifice to people around her. She takes a high level of personal responsibility for the welfare of people around her.

I've never said I have OCD, as I haven't been diagnosed.

Early thirties for women is a very intense time. If you want kids, and you're not in a relationship, there's an urgency there, so they're forced to mature quicker. It's easy for a man in his thirties to be immature - you can have kids into your fifties, whereas women just can't.

I'm very lucky to be a comedian, and I feel privileged that people come to see me in the expectation that I will make them laugh.

If I watch 'The X Factor,' I know I'm never going to aspire to sing, so I don't mind if they're good or bad, but when I watch 'Bake Off,' because I aspire to be good at it, I find it easy to try and put myself in their position.

I've had a lot of compulsions throughout my life which mainly started as a teen around the time I was doing exams.

I always mention stacking the dishwasher - any opportunity. But it's the consequences - it's the food poisoning and the potential death that will come with not loading the dishwasher properly.

I try not to listen to the other comedians performing before me because they will probably be funnier than me.

I'll be doing stand-up for the rest of my life. The opportunities that it grants you can't be denied. Stand-up is both the hardest thing I do and the thing I enjoy most.

I need to recognise that everyone is an individual and that the key to a good relationship is to recognise that. This does theme to be a theme in my stand-up as well as my writing!

Comedy gigs are there because you are all in acceptance that the world is not the way it should be. You have to give yourself a break; otherwise, you would sit crying in a darkened room.