Quotes from A. Whitney Brown

How can any child resist the tooth fair? That single shining example of selfless generosity in this slimy veil of greed. When I was broke, I pulled out my brother's teeth. Naturally, it was too good to last. Just one more nonrenewable resource on a diminishing planet.

The past actually happened but history is only what someone wrote down.

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

There are a billion people in China. It's not easy to be an individual in a crowd of more than a billion people. Think of it. More than a BILLION people. That means even if you're a one-in-a-million type of guy, there are still a thousand guys exactly like you.

I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.

That is the saving grace of humor. If you fail no one is laughing at you.

Any good history book is mainly just a long list of mistakes, complete with names and dates. It's very embarrassing.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

I'm not an atheist. How can you not believe in something that doesn't exist? That's way too convoluted for me.

I never joined, but I used to go to church now and then. I liked it, because they always passed out plates of money at the end.

The past actually happened. History is what someone took the time to write down.

Enjoy every minute. There's plenty of time to be dead.

A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he was a lawyer.

The past actually happened but history is only what someone wrote down.

I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.

The Bible says, 'The truth shall make you free.' But let's not forget it was Spiro Agnew who said that a good lie will keep you out of jail in the first place.