Quotes from Adam Selzer

When you're dead, everything in the world is like a song that makes you cry.

The Civil Rights Act of 1964 was the most sweeping civil rights legislation of its day, and included women's rights as part of its reforms. Ironically, the section on women's rights was added by a senator from Virginia who opposed the whole thing and was said to be sure that if he stuck something about womens' rights into it, it would never pass. The bill passed anyway, though, much to the chagrin of a certain wiener from Virginia.

Wow," says Peter, "when your guidance counselor tells you to die, you really have problems.

Let me get this straight," I say. "You're practically ordering me to die. What kind of guidance counselor are you?

Not that anyone minds--no one's paying attention to the music. Most of them never really listen to music. Practically no one actually does. Even at concerts people pay good money for, instead of a three-dollar cover charge, they talk through the whole thing. I feel sorry for them, since none of them understand what it's like to have a song just get into your soul and become your whole world. They don't know what it's like when a song changes your life.

Some of them are wearing skirts that I'm pretty sure are supposed to be belts.

If you really like someone, it doesn't matter what their mouth feels or tastes like. The kiss is still awesome.

Go to college. Have a lot of babies. Break a lot of hearts. And realize every minute of it.

There a lot of things I can't do," he says. "With my... health." "Well," I say, "can you kiss girls?

Isn't it generally known that you have to overlook flaws in people you date, to some extent? I mean, you expect them to overlook your flaws. It's only fair that you overlook some of theirs.

When a girl turns down your advances, the polite thing to do is just move on.

And the third is from him: "Second date?" I immediately text him back: "Hell yeah!" Then I collapse on my bed and enjoy that "butterflies in the stomach" feeling. I've felt the butterflies before from time to time, but this is the first time I haven't sort of wanted to attack them with a flyswatter.

I mean, you really can't imagine how awesome coffee tastes, or how awesome it is to hear music, to hear idiots talking... I mean, it hurts. Everything hurts. But everything in the world is so awesome that sometimes I just can't stand it.

Did you just hit on her by calling her your cousin?" asks Sadie. "'Cause, damn!

I mean, who wants to date a guy who thinks a girl who can't operate a fruit cup is attractive?

I had figured out that it was a bad idea, but, well, it´s hard to argue with love, even when it´s making you do something really stupid.

Whenever I start thinking about death, it always cheers me up to think about my funeral and my tombstone (which, by the way, will say "Here lies Harlan Sturr. Please don't pee on him.")

What are you eating?" he ask us. "Whatever won't kill me, please" I said. "Whatever don't kill you'll make you stronger" says Eddie, who is always ready with folksy wisdom. "All right," I say. "Then give me whatever will make me stronger." "One pizza, coming up.

The man was, beyond doubt, a pathological liar. He lied to his various wives, to his friends, to his lawyers, to his employees, to detectives, to reporters, and to everyone else, right down to the census man. He lied in his diary.

The castle never for one day truly functioned as a hotel, and the actual number of World's Fair tourists he's suspected of killing there has remained the same since 1895—a single woman, Nannie Williams.

Following the footnotes of a Lincoln book can drive you towards madness. But it also gives you the chance to spend days trying to determine whether Lincoln might have actually taken a ride on a flying piano, and that's a damned interesting way to spend one's working life.

There are songs that make you cry, right?" "Sure," I say. "When you're dead, everything in the world is like a song that makes you cry.

Let me get this straight," I say. "You're practically ordering me to die. What kind of guidance counselor are you?