Quotes from Kristen Schaal

1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move.

Some women were talking about how I put out. And that's just not that case. I don't put out - unless I'm asked very, very politely, and that's not putting out, that's just giving in.

I never really saw myself as a standup comedian. I always just thought of myself as someone who used the eight minutes or 10 minutes she was allotted and had a blast.

Animals in general have sparked a weird depression in me, because as much as I tried, I couldn't layer a personality over them. You know what I mean? I would stare at the cows, and I would sing to the cows, and they would always just look at me blankly.

I would never bring a kid to a comedy show myself, but I have noticed that I can't stop other people from bringing their kids.

I would be an actress for the rest of my life just because it's really relaxing. Writing is hard work, and stand-up is so stressful before you get on stage, but acting is a complete ensemble experience.

All the best movies are the ones that are cut from a more middle ground.

'Rock of Love' with Bret Michaels was fun. He's a lovable guy.

Mel: What was your name again? Rain: Rain. Mel: Oh that's nice. Kind of like bad weather.