Quotes from Neil LaBute

I thought maybe you were different, but you ended up being the same kind of lame guy that I perpetually date, and it just freaks me out a little. That maybe you're the only type out there. These baby boys who run around in nice clothes, but all they really wanna do is breast-feed for the rest of their days …

you thank your heavenly father for giving you strength to stand up to his trials and figure there must be a plan behind it all, a reason for so much pain and you just…go on.

Look, you're not French, let's face it . . . and who wants to be, anyway, in this day and age? Being French is way past cool.

WRITER Actors come and go, pal—you guys are the furniture, okay? What I write is the house. Let's not get all precious about it . . .

WRITER So, go on then, get all smart about it—can you deny what I'm saying? Huh? Jesus was not some . . . Indonesian guy! He just wasn't. ACTOR I'm not Indonesian! Jesus Christ!

What's the South African thing that I always mix up with "apathy"? (Thinks.) "Apartheid!" That wasn't me, so just get down off your high horse, okay?

WRITER Right, but no offense, you guys eat dogs for lunch and many of us in the West here find that disgusting, so . . . ACTOR I'm not Korean, you prick! I'm of Chinese descent but I was born in Idaho! I-da-ho. You got that? / My God . . .

Are you in here for an actual reason? CARTER Pretty much. I don't remember what it is, but I'm sure I had one when I started down the hall … TOM Perfect. CARTER Oh, yeah, now I recall . Because I was bored in my office … (Beat.) Plus, you have nicer windows. TOM Feel free to open one and jump … LaBute, Neil (2004-11-29). Fat Pig: A Play (pp. 18-19). Faber & Faber. Kindle Edition.

TOM … Go on, jump in there. (Prompts her.) Be brave. HELEN You're absolutely sure it's dead, right? Because if it's just holding its breath, then I'm … LaBute, Neil (2004-11-29). Fat Pig: A Play (p. 27). Faber & Faber. Kindle Edition.

CARTER This isn't meant as a … you know, to make up for what I said or whatnot, but … my mom was fat. Is. LaBute, Neil (2004-11-29). Fat Pig: A Play (p. 48). Faber & Faber. Kindle Edition.

things get worked through…or work themselves through, we probably don't have all that much to do with it. we like to think we do, though, right?

see, we been doing things wrong for so long now that it all starts to feel okay after a while, you know, like this is how it oughta be.

MAN 3 . . . fuck, I'm glad I'm a guy! You know? MAN 5 Yeah, why's that? Pause. MAN 3 . . . because then I don't have to date 'em.

HELEN You, too, Tom. You're a good man. (Kisses him back.) Good and strong and brave and … ummmm … lots of nice things … TOM … mmmmmm. I love it when you talk dirty.

but sometimes you can go along, years even, and not feel like you're growing up at all, and then there's times when you age a ton, like, in a couple 'a seconds, you know?

MAN No doubt about that—I can't even call 'em "girls" without getting hit by a lawsuit, so … (Grins.) You're a librarian? WOMAN Yeah. Well, we don't really use that term anymore, but, ahh … MAN Sure, of course! It's probably, like, "printed-word specialist" or something now, I suppose … WOMAN Exactly.

JEANNIE It's not like she's … She's really fat, Tom! A fat sow and you know it. I can tell you're aware by the way you're acting, which is really the puzzling part … TOM I-like-her. End of story.

WOMAN Really? Handsome guy like you and that's all you're good for … to look at? MAN Pretty much. WOMAN Good to know. (Opens a pudding.) You want one? MAN Nah, I shouldn't … WOMAN Why? MAN Excellent question. Okay.

CARTER It's whatever. Truth. People are not comfortable with difference. You know? Fags, retards, cripples. Fat people. Old folks, even. They scare us or something.

CARTER Come on, be honest! The thing they represent that's so scary is what we could be, how vulnerable we all are. I mean, any of us. Some wrong gene splice, a bad backflip off the trampoline … too many cartons of Oreos! We're all just one step away from being what frightens us. What we despise. So … we despise it when we see it in anybody else.

TOM Old people, though? Come on. We're all gonna age. It's … CARTER Not me. I hope I'm a goner before then. The elderly make me sick …

Listen, I speak from experience when I say . . . just because some man doesn't have one does not necessarily mean that he can't be one.

What the fuck do I mean? I mean . . . (Beat.) Well, I, shit, I dunno! But you see what I'm getting at, don't you?

TOM Come on! Seriously … HELEN Okay, okay … I'm … (Beat.) You have my hand there, you know. TOM Yeah, I … is that not …? HELEN It's fine. Just wanted to ask and see if it was an accident or not. TOM Umm … no. It wasn't, no. But … now you're making me self-conscious.