Quotes from Stephan Pastis

Scott Adams: From him, I learned how to write a three-panel comic. Probably the best pure writer on the comics page.

Ohhhhkay... say again but slooooowly.

Stupid people and their stupid people ways!

If I go to Stanfurd, I can get a good job and not have to sell oranges by the side of the highway.

In memory of the esteemed Frederick Crocus, who's not dead yet, but will be one day.

On the list of things I cannot draw, wedding dresses are right there next to cars.

Having a syndicated comic strip is a great platform for ripping on expressions you hate.

My wife Staci made me go to a wedding last weekend...If it weren't for her, I'd be happy.

When you do anything creative, you really have to live entirely in that world. I think my ability to do that is what makes me such a bad dinner guest. I'm always looking over someone's shoulder, taking in stuff around the room, immersed in the world of whatever I'm writing about, and keeping the characters completely in my head.

I was a lawyer for 10 years, and when you're in law, things really have to get done, or somebody sues you. It's a great trick.

I like characters like Ignatius Reilly in 'A Confederacy of Dunces' and Ricky Gervais's character in 'The Office.' They think one thing about themselves, but the truth is as far from that as it can be. So I began to think about how to put that kind of character in a book for kids.

For me, going to Minneapolis is like going to Mecca.

Thomas, my 15-year-old, is effectively my editor, I've always trusted his voice, more than anybody, on the strip for years. He has one of those ears that's just tuned to the rhythm of humor, so if he says something's not funny, my stomach just hurts because I know he's right, and it's already been drawn.

Most poetry just confounds me. I really want to like it, but I can't help thinking it's a hoax. (p. 24)

If you put me in 'South Park,' that audience is going to fall asleep in five minutes.

I write for three or four hours and then hopefully I'll have something. Then I draw for the rest of the afternoon... I literally block out Wednesday-Thursday-Friday - I more or less disappear.

My wife Staci made me go to a wedding last weekend...If it weren't for her, I'd be happy.

I don't pay that much attention to sales figures or awards. To me, the big question is: 'Did you influence the next generation?' That's my goal.

I want a career writing these novels that I can be proud of. And then I want one as a screenwriter.

I have days where the only words I say are to the person making my sandwich at the grocery store.

You can't just count on becoming a syndicated cartoonist. I actually tried to calculate the odds once, and the best I could come up with is a 1-in-36,000 chance. And the odds of getting hit by lightning are 1 in 7,900 - which kind of shows how long those odds are.

If you're from a certain generation, you basically learn to read with 'Peanuts.' It's sort of the template for the modern strip. Its influence ceased to be noticed because it's in everything.

It seems so absurd to get really mad with a cartoonist over a comic strip. It's sort of like getting in a fight with a circus clown outside your house. It's not going to end well.

A comic strip has a rhythm and a pattern, and you got to get in and out quick. So you set up a joke, tell the joke, and done.