Quotes from Zach Galifianakis

Privacy is big for me. To do interviews even, I have a very love/hate with it.

I just try to keep myself a traditionalist. I liked being an underground comic doing my thing. I want to maintain that. I just do.

I know my face is turning red. I don't want you to interpret it as being embarrassed. It's rage. The color of my face is rage.

I talk to younger actor types, and they bring up that word, 'brand,' and it's like, 'All right, if that's the way you want to look at yourself.' Diet Pepsi's a brand; you're a human being.

I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack.

My name is Zach Galifianakis and I hope I'm pronouncing that right. I'm named after my granddad, my middle name. My name is Zach Granddad Galifianakis.

I've been happily dedicated to the same woman for a number of years. I never even look at other women.

As you get older, you see the world at a different angle, maybe more cynically, but I just bury my anger.

I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy.

Actually, I used to be a busboy in a strip joint in New York and so I hate strip joints. I'm not that kind of person.

When a role seems fun it's easy to play. It kind of comes organically.

There's more to life than being an actor in a Hollywood movie. I'm not going to adapt my life after that existence, where a lot of people do. And they get the publicist, and they get all that stuff, and it becomes them. I think it's a stupid way to live your life. A really dumb way to live your life.

I'll never forget my grandmother's last words. She said 'What are you doing?'

Have you seen that show on Lifetime about that woman...?

Reciting lines is hard; making stuff up is much, much easier.

My father used to beat me with his belt...while it was still on him.

I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.

My girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple there that was deaf. They were so good.

You know you're getting fat when your socks don't fit.

The other day, I got a henna tattoo that says "Forever."

I'm an American so its kind of hard for me to talk about 9/11. So whenever someone brings it up in a conversation, I say "I didn't like 9/11."

When you're doing standup you're kind of doing, "Hey. I thought of this. This may be funny.

Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes... with salad tongs.

Did you ever wake up with an erection...and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk "I'll take it!"