Quotes from Robert Morley

The British tourist is always happy abroad as long as the natives are waiters.

Fat men get knocked over by buses no earlier, nor later, than thin men. And I, for one, have buried most of my thin friends.

To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.

To fall in love with yourself is the first secret of happiness. Then if you're not a good mixer you can always fall back on your own company.

Show me a man who has enjoyed his school days and I'll show you a bully and bore.

I am not ashamed that I was once a vacuum-cleaner salesman, only that I was a *good* vacuum-cleaner salesman.

Every child should be placed on a doorstep to sell something. It's the best possible training for life.

The ball is man's most disastrous invention, not excluding the wheel.

Anyone who works is a fool. I don't work - I merely inflict myself upon the public.

Robert Morley sat with Wilfred Hyde White, watching the coronation parade of Queen Elizabeth. In an open carriage approached the very large Queen Salote of Tonga. Resplendent in a floral dress and ignoring the rain. "Who do you think that is beside queen Salote?" asked Wilfred, looking down at his program. Robert glanced at the diminutive Tonga ambassador in his top hat and tails and suggested, "her lunch perhaps".

When I asked my accountant if anything could get me out of the mess I am in now, he thought for a long time, and I didn't care much for his answer. 'Yes,' he said. 'Death would help.'

Names were not so much dropped as thrown in a perpetual game of catch.

A man who has his initials on his pyjamas must be uncertain of himself. Surely you should know who you are at bed time.

Anyone who works is a fool. I don't work - I merely inflict myself upon the public.

It is a great help for a man to be in love with himself. For an actor, however, it is absolutely essential.

We are articulate, but we are not particularly conversational. An Englishman won't talk for the sake of talking. He doesn't mind silence. But after the silence, he sometimes says something.

The ball is man's most disastrous invention, not excluding the wheel.

Show me the man who has enjoyed his schooldays and I will show you a bully and a bore.

I don't work. I merely inflict myself on the public.

If people take the trouble to cook, you should take the trouble to eat.

Most owners are at length able to teach themselves to obey their dog.