Quotes from George S. Kaufman

Epitaph for a dead waiter - God finally caught his eye.

You can't fool me. There ain't no Sanity Clause!

God finally caught his eye.

You've heard of people living in a fool's paradise? Well, Leonora has a duplex there.

The kind of doctor I want is one who when he's not examining me is home studying medicine.

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.

KIRBY: A man can't give up his business. GRANDPA: Why not? You've got all the money you need. You can't take it with you.

I didn't like the play, but than I saw it under adverse conditions – the curtain was up.

Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Penny, why don't you write a play about Ism-Mania? Penny Sycamore: Ism-Mania? Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Yeah, sure, you know, Communism, Faschism, Voodoo-ism, everybody's got an -ism these days. Penny Sycamore: Oh [laughs] Penny Sycamore: I thought it was some kind of itch or something. Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Well, it's just as catching. When things go a little bad nowadays, you go out, get yourself an -ism and you're in business.

Satire is what closes on Saturday night

At dramatic rehearsals, the only author that's better than an absent one is a dead one.

I like terra firma - the more firma the less terra.

Satire is what closes Saturday night.

When I was born I owed twelve dollars.

Satire is what closes Saturday night.

Satire is what closes on Saturday night.

Office hours are from 12 to 1 with an hour off for lunch.