Quotes from Kevin Smith

A pat on the back to an artist now could one day result in your favorite film, or the cartoon you loved to get stoned watching, or the song that saves your life. Discourage an artist, you get absolutely nothing in return, ever.

You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you. (As Silent Bob)

Batman has an impeccable moral compass, he's clever and mysterious, and when fucktards get sassy, he punches them in the face.

Happiness can't be bottled. It can't be smoked, swallowed, shot or ejaculated. And there is no end game: you never cross the finish line and are suddenly happy. Even when all your wildest dreams come true, you still pursue happiness.

People always ask me if I hate the nuns. Do I make my movies extra dirty to piss them off? I always say no, that's not the point. To a Catholic, a movie is only dirty if it makes you want to have sex more. If it makes you feel sick, disgusted, ashamed of your own body, then it's not a dirty movie at all. It's a Catholic movie. And I make very Catholic movies.

We can't all be Superman, but we sure as shit can train hard, and with loads of practice, we can be Batman. And who the fuck doesn't wanna be Batman? Batman has an impeccable moral compass, he's clever and mysterious, and when fucktards get sassy, he punches them in the face.

It's a joyful thing, being a Catholic. I can't even think about sex without thinking about bodily waste.

Life is also, as George Carlin taught us, a zero-sum game. We all lose in the end. We all die screaming. If that's the case, we might as well make for ourselves a paradise in this world. Make yourself happy and comfortable as often as you can, because sooner or later, the infinite hands you a bill for all these goods and services. What

My American Dream has always been simple, and it's one I encourage you to adopt as your own: Figure out what you love to do, then figure out how to get paid to do it.

What He really hates is the shit that gets carried out in his name. Wars. Bigotry. Televangelism. - Rufus, Dogma

I don't have to write to South West buddy. In an hour South West gonna come looking for me!

I don't hate you 'cause I'm crazy... I'm crazy 'cause I hate you.

Don't let anybody tell you different, man: The main goal in life careerwise should always be to try to get paid to simply be yourself.

Live a "Why not?" life, man. Take the shot. The shot is always worth taking.

I feel like if you're in Jersey, you have to be a Jersey Devils fan. Anybody born within the confines of the border of the state of New Jersey, I feel, should be a Jersey Devils fan.

People like to set the bar high. I like to put the bar on the ground and barely step over it. I like to keep the expectations really low.

In Hollywood you just fail upwards.

You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you. (As Silent Bob)

You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude, but they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.

Other filmmakers make their movies and put them out and that's that. For me, for some odd reason, it goes deeper than that.

Oh, I'm online all the time now. I'm not an outdoorsy type.

The only thing of value I have in this life is my ability to tell a story, whether in print, orating, writing it down or having people acting it out. That's why I'm always hoping society never collapses because the first ones to go will be entertainers.

Haven't two hundred years of failed missionary work overseas taught anybody anything? You can't convert people to anything - whether religion, or something as inane as our flicks.

If there was no Internet, my career would have ended in 1995.