Quotes from Jimmy Kimmel

I do have a treadmill desk in my office, and for a while, I would walk on it while checking email and going through jokes. I haven't walked on it in probably four months. Now it's more of an upright dining table for me. At some point, moss will grow over it, birds will build nests, and nature will reclaim the treadmill as its own.

People's lives are boring.

I have had a lot of experience in broadcasting.

I still love comic books. When you have a kid, that's an excuse to keep reading all the comic books.

I go to Costco every weekend. It's my favorite part of the week.

I definitely feel pressure to keep slim. I don't want to be the guy who lost weight and gained it all back. But it's hard. Sometimes I'll gorge and gain nine pounds in a weekend somehow, and I get bummed about it.

I'm a creative consultant, whatever that means.

If I have one criticism of the other late-night shows, it's that they're almost entirely scripted.

I challenge you to a rap battle, Kanye West. I play the clarinet.

The truth is, we have this idea that late night is about creativity and being cool, but that's not our job. Our job is to get as many people watching the commercials in between our show. That's the reality of it.

I don't eat two days a week. And people are fascinated by it, but it works. If you cut two days of food out of your life you will lose weight.

I have like fifteen televisions in my house.

You can say Pizza Hut is terrible pizza, but they also sell more pizzas than anybody else.

I'm a terrible golfer.

That's my main flaw: I always think authority figures or my boss is going to think something I do is funny. And usually they don't.

I can't be as flip as I once was.

If you want to do a talk show on network television, you're probably going to wind up having a desk and a band, wearing a suit, and having a sidekick. Audiences want to feel comfortable.

Real emotion is good - or doing a good job of faking real emotion.

There's an air of mystery around the Masons, but the reality is that they're mostly a bunch of veterans getting drunk in a lodge that they've built to look like a temple. It's just a bunch of guys trying to get away from their wives.

Our politicians debate this, but our scientists don't. A huge majority of climate scientists say climate change is happening. They say we're causing it and we need to do something about it before it has a terrible effect on all of us.

It's funny how all of this has worked out - I wasn't popular in high school, but now every drunken guy in the United States wants to be my pal. They all want to buy me a shot, and pretty soon I'm throwing up.

There's no debate about the greenhouse effect, just like there's no debate about gravity. If someone throws a piano off the roof, I don't care what Sarah Palin tells you, get out of the way because it's coming down on your head.

I know there are, like, 12 rules for late night: a desk, a band. Will people take me seriously if I don't wear a tie?

I describe myself as a human being.