Quotes from John Bradshaw

Toxically shamed people tend to become more and more stagnant as life goes on. They live in a guarded, secretive and defensive way. They try to be more than human (perfect and controlling) or less than human (losing interest in life or stagnated in some addictive behavior).

Children are natural Zen masters; their world is brand new in each and every moment.

When our instinctual life is shamed, the natural core of our life is bound up. It's like an acorn going through excruciating agony for becoming an oak, or a flower feeling ashamed for blossoming.

Chronically dysfunctioning families are also delusional. Delusion is sincere denial.

Perhaps nothing so accurately characterizes dysfunctional families as denial.

Giving and receiving unconditional love is the most effective and powerful way to personal wholeness and happiness.

Much has been written about codependency. All agree that it is about the loss of selfhood. Codependency is a condition wherein one has no inner life. Happiness is on the outside. Good feelings and self-validation lie on the outside. They can never be generated from within.

Our healthy shame is essential as the foundation of our spirituality. By reminding us of our essential limitations, our healthy shame lets us know that we are not God. Our healthy shame points us in the direction of some larger meaning. Our healthy shame is the psychological ground of our humility.

The figure of Satan and the fires of hell have been demythologized by modern Christian biblical scholars, theologians and philosophers.

As a child I was not allowed to express my feelings, so I had to go back through therapy and express the child's pain.

I define a 'good person' as somebody who is fully conscious of their own limitations. They know their strengths, but they also know their 'shadow' - they know their weaknesses. In other words, they understand that there is no good without bad. Good and evil are really one, but we have broken them up in our consciousness. We polarize them.

Many self-help books give you these neat, tidy formulas that are really illusions. They dupe people into thinking, 'Well if I can just do that, then everything's going to be okay.' My work differs in that I don't offer quick solutions and simple explanations.

To truly be committed to a life of honesty, love and discipline, we must be willing to commit ourselves to reality.

Children aren't fooled. They know we give time to the things we love.

In my family, as in all dysfunctional families, instead of parents who act as strong and nurturing role models for their children, you get these needy people who use their children. I was the kid who tried to take on the marriage.

Ego is to the true self what a flashlight is to a spotlight.

You can find more traditional Shakespeare than we do. But what we want to bring to these works is energy, passion, freshness.

I believe that this neglected, wounded inner child of the past is the major source of human misery.

I try to get people thinking, to consider their pasts and presents, ultimately encouraging them and giving them the tools to embrace the work of reshaping their lives.

The spiritual quest is not some added benefit to our life, something you embark on if you have the time and inclination. We are spiritual beings on an earthly journey. Our spirituality makes up our beingness.

In a sense, all of my books have been about a 'poisonous pedagogy,' which engenders a culture of obedience, this underlying theme of patriarchal systems.

The unlimited power that many modern gurus offer is false hope. Their programs calling us to unlimited power have made them rich, not us. They touch our false selves and tap our toxic shame.

I know from my own clinical work that when people are beaten and hurt, they numb out so that they cant feel anymore.

The idea of evil is always subject to denial as a coping mechanism.