Quotes from Joseph Heller

He wanted to write urgent love letters to her all day long and crowd the endless pages with desperate, uninhibited confessions of his humble worship and need with careful instructions for administering artificial respiration. He wanted to pour out to her in torrents of self-pity all his unbearable loneliness and despair and warn her never to leave the boric acid or the aspirin in reach of the children or to cross a street against the traffic light. He did not wish to worry her.

Clevinger was one of those people with lots of intelligence and no brains, and everyone knew it except those who soon found it out

I wonder what kind of person would come out if I ever did erase all my inhibitions at once, what kind of being is bottled up inside me now.

It isn't necessary to call me Father, the chaplain explained. I'm an Anabaptist.

Well, maybe it's true,' Clevinger conceded unwillingly in a subdued tone. 'Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it's to seem long. But in that event, who wants one?' 'I do,' Dunbar told him. 'Why?' Clevinger asked. 'What else is there?

Know what I mean? You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours." Yossarian knew what he meant. "That's not what I meant," Doc Daneeka said as Yossarian began scratching his back.

They were four clean-cut kids who were having lots of fun, and they were driving Yossarian nuts. He could not make them understand that he was a crotchety old fogey of twenty-eight, that he belonged to another generation, another era, another world, that having a good time bored him and was not worth the effort, and that they bored him, too. He could not make them shut up; they were worse than women. They had not brains enough to be introverted and repressed.

I'd be the last colonel in the world to order you to go to that U.S.O. show and have a good time, but I want every one of you who isn't sick enough to be in a hospital to go to that U.S.O. show right now and have a good time, and that's an order!

The dead man in Yossarian's tent was a pest, and Yossarian didn't like him, even though he had never seen him. Having him laying around all day annoyed Yossarian so much that he had gone to the orderly room several times to complain to Sergeant Towser, who refused to admit that the dead man even existed, which, of course, he no longer did.

Help him! Help who? Help the bombardier! I'm a bombardier. Help him, help him! Help who?

He was a militant idealist who crusaded against racial bigotry by growing faint in its presence.

Now, where were we? Read me back the last line." " 'Read me back the last line,' " read back the corporal who could take shorthand.

Consciously, sir, consciously, Yossarian corrected in an effort to help. I hate them consciously.

and the chaplain was ready now to capitulate to despair entirely but was restrained by the memory of his wife, whom he loved and missed so pathetically with such sensual and exalted ardor, and by the lifelong trust he had placed in the wisdom and justice of an immortal, omnipotent, omniscient, humane, universal, anthropomorphic, English-speaking, Anglo-Saxon, pro-American God, which had begun to waver.

We have no ideas, and they're pretty firm.

I suppose it is just about impossible for someone like me to rebel anymore and produce any kind of lasting effect. I have lost the power to upset things that I had as a child; I can no longer change my environment or even disturb it seriously.

There was no way of really knowing anything, he knew, not even that there was no way of really knowing anything.

Depreciating motels, junked automobiles, and quick-food joints grow like amber waves of grain.

Doc Daneeka was Yossarian's friend and would do just about nothing in his power to help him.

There was only one catch and that was Catch-22. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to.

Like all the other officers at Group Headquarters except Major Danby, Colonel Cathcart was infused with the democratic spirit: he believed that all men were created equal, and he therefore spurned all men outside Group Headquarters with equal fervor.

I'm not running away from my responsibilities. I'm running to them. There's nothing negative about running away to save my life.

Nobody would have anything to do with him. He began to drop things and to trip. He had a shy and hopeful manner in each new contact, and he was always disappointed. Because he NEEDED a friend so desperately, he never found one.

The Germans will be beaten in a few months. And Japan will be beaten a few months after that. If I were to give up my life now, it wouldn't be for my country. It would be for Cathcart and Korn. So I'm turning my bombsight in for the duration. From now on I'm thinking only of me.