Quotes from Unknown

The annoying moment when your friend is a friend with the person you hate.

Calling someone without texting first is the new showing up unannounced.

I wish 'You idiot.' was an appropriate way to end a work email.

I don't have a problem with idiots. I just have a problem working with them.

And by 'K...' I mean 'fu.. you.'

My car finally heats up when I reach my destination.

THEY'RE going THERE with THEIR friends. Seriously, it's not f*cking rocket science.

Give your mouth and legs a break and shut them for once.

Sometimes I wonder if your a.. is jealous of the sh.. that comes out of your mouth.

Sarcasm is just one of the many services I offer to people who ask dumb questions.

Babies need an Airplane Mode.

Walmart: Let's buy 30 cash registers...and only keep two open!

Well I'd love to stay and chat but I fu..ing hate you.

People ask me for my advice then do the complete opposite? Why ask me in the first place?

2+2=fish, 3+3=eight, 7+7=triangle...I hate kids.

'Did you get braces?' Nah bro I'm just chewing staples.

Before. b-e-f-o-r-e, not B4. We speak English. Not bingo.

Reasons I check my voicemail: 1% to hear the message. 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.

When I say never mind I really mean you should have listened the first time.

That extremely annoying moment when you're behind a slow walker & there's no way around them.

Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to stop me from savagely beating one of my coworkers with a keyboard.

The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head is not knowing the name of the damn song!

'Thank God It's Monday!' said no one ever...

Dear summer, slow the fu.. down!