Quotes from Aziz Ansari

It's the hardest thing to come up with an hour of material that can consistently keep people laughing.

Most of my teachers when I grew up were like older white women. So, I couldn't really channel them.

To be honest, I tend to romanticize the past, and though I appreciate all the conveniences of modern life, sometimes I yearn for simpler times.

Most single people I know, myself included, have a difficult time even meeting up with the people they like, be it busy schedules, texting games, or whatever.

For the majority of the time, I may as well have been just a really tan white kid. You know, I may as well have just been, like, a fat kid.

Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.

When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour. I try to eat at all the weird places, the obscure barbecue joints, burger places. There are a few spots in L.A. that I'm obsessed with - one of them is the Taco Zone taco truck on Alvarado. There are secret off-menu items that are amazing.

Every time I've done comedy in, like, traditional comedy clubs, there's always these comedians that do really well with audiences but that the other comedians hate because they're just, you know, doing kind of cheap stuff like dancing around or doing, like, very kind of base sex humor a lot, and stuff like that.

I'm always down to try a new burger, but Shake Shack is still my top. What makes them so special is for the bread they use Martin's potato rolls which is just the best hamburger buns ever.

London seems to be a town with a lot of comedy fans and people that really enjoy stand-up.

Every time I've done comedy in, like, traditional comedy clubs, there's always these comedians that do really well with audiences but that the other comedians hate because they're just, you know, doing kind of cheap stuff like dancing around or doing, like, very kind of base sex humor a lot, and stuff like that.

Myself, Eric Wareheim, and Jason Woliner decided to start a Food Club where the three of us go to restaurants with a couple of other people. The three of us are the captains of the Food Club, so we have to wear the captains' hats.

After you do a joke a few times, you have material that you know works. Although sometimes I have a joke that has worked a bunch of times, and then one night it'll flop.

Once you become a comedian, you accept that people are just going to yell stuff at you.

One of the big things I miss about New York is not my friends so much; it's Shake Shack, the burger place. I miss Shake Shack.

I know my fan base is a smart group of people.

Like with 'Parks and Recreation,' it's so much fun because the people writing it are funny and they're open and you just go in there and have a good time. It's pretty much the easiest job I've ever had.

I weirdly do consider myself an optimist about love.

Everyone steals. My favorite movie is Love Don't Cost a Thing with Nick Cannon. Which is based on Can't Buy Me Love, which is based on Kramer vs. Kramer, or something, which I think was Shakespeare.

Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.

Some comedians will tour and do these classic bits all the time. But now with YouTube and Comedy Central, people see your stuff, and they don't want to hear you do that again.

I'm the kind of person, if I see something, like a funny video, I want to share it. With Twitter and Tumblr you can do that on a mass scale, and people get to know your personality.

I have an amazing metabolism. I'm sure that'll be gone one day. But I like to exercise, too, so I don't think I'll ever get really fat.

I was 18 when I started. I was hanging out with some friends and they asked if I had tried stand-up before. I hadn't, but I thought: 'What the hell?' So I went to an open mic night, and I liked it.