Quotes from Brad Garrett

You have a bad day at the office, four people know. You suck in a movie, everyone knows.

I've always wanted to play a coach in a movie, just to be the captain of anything in the pirate ship of my bathtub.

My act is a little raunchy. When people come to my club, I have to warn them it isn't Robert from 'Raymond.'

I was a 6-foot-tall 13-year-old who couldn't play basketball. I moved around all the time as a kid, and at each new school, the coach would say, 'He's the great white hope' - but I couldn't play ball. So my thing was jokes and characters and making fun of myself and being the 6-foot-9 Jewish guy. That was my way into show business.

I became a stand-up because that was my survival.

I don't think we're politically correct when we're private. I don't know what 'politically correct' means.

But I believe that there are marriages where you can have your pool table and she can have her scrapbooking room or garden or whatever it is. But when everyone has what they want, it's not funny. There's no conflict.

We don't take care of our teachers and our cops and our firemen. They should be at the top of our list.

You take away all the other luxuries in life, and if you can make someone smile and laugh, you have given the most special gift: happiness.

It's all I have left in my life, caffeine and a poodle.

Actually, I have my own charity that I started that helps supplement families with terminal children.

My whole life, I've been telling jokes.

I was very, very large as a kid and never athletic, and my home life was a little upside down and I never felt comfortable.

I'm out about my misogyny. Most men are misogynists, and most women are feminists. I work with a lot of women. They have their finger on the pulse of things. But women do things to other women that men would never do to other men.

It's fun to play people who are flawed.

Broadway was without doubt the hardest I ever worked in my life and the highest highs I've ever had as an actor. The unadulterated fear was on a level that was hard to explain.

I'm not big on game shows.

I was a strange kid. I never really fit in; I was never comfortable in my own skin because I was a giant kid with no athletic ability.

There is the real person I am, and there is the stage persona.

It's like whether you're in a huge movie or you've just recorded an incredible album you've got to do the next thing, and that's part of being an artist.

I think you're born with a comedy gene, and you can't teach timing, and you can't teach satire, pathos.

Humor is healing.

I think we love watching people that are flawed because we're all flawed.

You take away all the other luxuries in life, and if you can make someone smile and laugh, you have given the most special gift: happiness.