Quotes from Jay Mohr

Yogi Berra put it best, "If people don't want to come, we can't stop them."

I'm a comic because I don't want to do the nine-to-five, I have to modify that and say I'm a comic because I have an inability to do a nine-to-five.

When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them.

I never minded George Steinbrenner spending obscene amounts of money to put the best product on the field.

Not everyone likes sports. Gandhi and Malcolm X come to mind.

Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.

All that waiting around for a glimmer of stage time, just getting angry every week... It was just an oppressive, horrible, horrible place to be. I went to work feeling nauseous.

Joan Rivers is 80 and she's fantastic. She lives in mortal fear of not filling that 1,500-seat room.

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day.