Quotes from Ray Galton & Alan Simpson

Hancock: You're not particularly bothered about the impending stagnation of Western Civilization, are you? Sid: No, not really. As long as my horses don't stagnate I don't care what happens. Hancock: Exactly. The struggle of the human race is nothing compared with your struggle up to the two-bob window at Cheltenham, is it? Sid: No, it's not.

Are you sought out at parties? No. Sorted out sometimes, and then slung out.

Does Magna Carta mean nothing to you? Did she die in vain? That gallant Hungarian peasant girl who forced King John to sign the pledge at Runnymede and closed the boozers at half past ten?

Sid: She laughed and said to her oppo, 'Oh dear, how plebian. Bill: What's 'plebian'? Hancock: Plebian! It's from the latin 'plebes', defined by Pliny as derivative from 'plebiscum'. Bill: Yeah, but what does it mean? Hancock: It means you're a scruffbag!

Hancock: I was talking about Olive, my sweetheart. Sid : And a load of old rubbish it was too. Hancock: Oh well of course, I wouldn't expect you to understand. How could a man like you hope to understand the sensitive world of two children who discover the wonders of innocent love for the first time. Sid: 'Innocent love'. If I'd been your old man I'd have given you a thump round the earhole and kicked you up to bed. Hancock: I don't think I've such a crude man in my life.

Get your hands off. You weren't a member of our regiment. You want some beer, you hold your own reunion. The King's Own Glasshouse Deserters weren't they?

The condition of my feet in those days was quite different from what they are today. Chasing the Hun across Europe, that's what flattened these, mate.

My old grandmother used to swear by Dr McConnell's Lung Syrup. She drank a bottle a day for the whole of her adult life. She couldn't give it up in the end. It's got morphine in it, you see.

Aha! Mine all mine. My life savings. Look at all that snow there. Very comforting. I've got enough here to buy everything I want in the world, but I'm not going to because I'd sooner have the money.

Sid: Don't they do any work? Hancock: Oh work. Please Sidney. Work work work. Work is the biggest restrictor of Man's mind. Can't allow themselves to be hampered by the menial soul-destroying labour of everyday jobs. Work to them represents the Establishment, and they're against that. Sid: What do they live on then? Hancock: National Assistance. Sid: Oh, they're not against that part of the Establishment then.