Quotes from Josie Brown

us both that his attempt

She put me in front of some foundation that paid off my student loans...

the gusto of a broncobuster breaking in the wildest filly in the corral before heading on into the sunset. (In truth, we are in a hillside suite at the Chateau Marmont. But considering Yuri's attitude toward women, the cowboyspeak sums things up quite nicely.)

adamant that Carl never let on that he felt his cover was

That's my girl," murmurs Jack. So, it's a mutual admiration society. I'm not jealous. I'd just like to know a little background on their relationship. It's not easy being odd man out, especially on your home turf… Seriously, I'm not jealous. Okay, maybe just a little.

Who does she think she's kidding? As if I don't know why she's sucking up to me— Because I've got something she'd like to get her hands on. At least, she thinks I've got him.

jour, a sleazebag by the name of Yuri Petrovich.  Yuri has just downed a couple of Viagra with the last of his Starbucks venti-sized nonfat decaf caramel macchiato. This is to ensure us both that his attempt to mount me will have all the gusto of a broncobuster breaking in the

When I get to Principal Belding's office, Miss Bliss, his secretary

All I really needed to know about being a freelance assassin I learned before my youngest daughter, Trisha, started kindergarten. I've

Make special memories on this day to honor the father of your children by asking the kids to prepare a special meal. (Note: save the rat poison for another time.) 

Pies are so much fun to make—and so simple! All it takes to make a tender, flaky crust is the right amount of vegetable shortening, cut into flour with a sprinkle of cold water, and just a pinch of salt. Cherries have the right sweet-to-tart taste—and are also a good source of poison! Just crush the pits or stems. There you'll find prussic acid, also known as hydrogen cyanide: easy to sprinkle into both the filling and the crust. How sweet it is!

There will always be a boogie man. Politicians need one.

Important Tip: Avoid arsenic in any dishes. Seems that a dead guest has a way of putting a damper on a party. Go figure.

The Kelseys' home is done up in shades of beige and beiger. There are just a few pictures scattered around: of just her and Dave, a burly guy, balding, and a gap-tooth smile.

my mouth opens willingly for his. It's a Pavlovian thing: when his face is anywhere within kissing distance, I hunger to have his lips on mine.

He's lucky I'm not wearing my six-inch fuck-me stilettos.

All I really needed to know about being a freelance assassin I learned before my youngest daughter, Trisha, started kindergarten.

Should your naughty new neighbors resist your suggestions, invite them over to see your new media room. The fact that it doubles as a torture chamber should encourage them to toe the line!

Will you ever question the love you have for your betrothed? The right answer here is "yes." If you never question it, the relationship never grows. There should be misunderstandings and disagreements, because love isn't a fairy tale. It is a challenge—and sometimes a struggle—to shape two lives into one.

They say you have to watch out for a woman scorned . Let me tell you, a woman in mourning can be just as deadly.

When the time comes, your best bet is to get her into a routine that makes her comfortably drowsy.

Granted, your hard-working hubby is doing his fair share just by bringing home the bacon. But by encouraging him to take on a couple of those tasks himself, he'll soon have more respect for all you do on your family's behalf. If his excuse for turning you down is that he's "too tired" or that "it's women's work," there is a simple way to convince him otherwise: food poisoning.

Any woman can be both the perfect housewife and an accomplished assassin, because both functions require the same qualities: creativity; a never-say-die attitude; and an attention to details, no matter how small…

Tidy Tip: Dig deep, and be sure to cover the body in a heavy layer of slaked lime—also known as calcium hydroxide, or Ca(OH)—which accelerates decomposition and kills odors that attract animals who may want to dig it up. A layer of dirt, then another of the slaked lime before a final half-foot of dirt. The bugs will help finish the job!