Quotes from Wade Rouse

It's funny how "a part" and "apart" are complete opposites, yet only differ by a little space.

Life sometimes sends out previews - but It never reveals the Surprise Ending.

Although it should be avoided, you can break promises to people if you have to—because you can explain circumstances and make reasonable justifications and compromises with people. Dogs take you at your word—that's a lot to live up to—and I, for one, do not want to be the kind of person who reneges on a good-faith deal with a dog.

She looked at me in a troubled sort of way, the way I look today at people who rave about the food at Applebee's or the Olive Garden.

We're human. We all occasionally wet ourselves. No one is really better than anyone else. We're just all trying to make it through the year as best we can. We screw up sometimes. We succeed sometimes. We laugh. We cry. We go on. Those are the things we should really share with each other this holiday season, right, if we dare send a letter? We should share the truth. We should share the insanity.

Then he gave me the best advice of my life. "Listen, sonny boy. An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold on to one blade of grass and not fall off the face of the earth." SPRING BREAK Heaven's Waiting Room

Winters in Michigan are a lot like John Holmes's penis: awe-inspiring but way too long, leaving you to wonder—after the

The Jingle Balls incident made me understand that holidays were not—and did not have to be—perfect in order to be beautiful. It made me realize that all families are dysfunctional, especially during the holidays, and that while most celebrations are well-intended, they are also usually diarrhea-inducing.

I prefer to hide unsettling things and let them build into life-scarring neuroses.

You're very Johnny Depp in Secret Window.

caricaturists and rodeo clowns be included in that special group of gifted performers?

What do you mean, you 'don't believe in homosexuality'? It's not like the Easter Bunny, your belief isn't necessary."–LEA DELARIA

This was a dog that had lived a nightmare of a life and still never whined or howled or cried out of pain or discomfort. You don't make a sound, I learned from Wonder, when no one ever comes to see how you're doing.

I was deeply loved. And scarred. Which is a pretty good trade-off in my holiday book.

You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July Fourth, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism."–ERMA BOMBECK

I believed that my parents and grandparents stayed married for fifty years because of the simple yet undeniable fact that they worked like hell at it every single day, not because they bought each other a commemorative teacup every year.