Quotes from James F. Masterson

As the child gets older, the discrepancy between his chronological age and the level of his psychological functioning widens. He develops a "borderline personality disorder" which becomes progressively more entrenched over time as the individual encounters and struggles with the challenges of each life phase.

The abandonment depression is first experienced at an age when the young child cannot reflect on it or articulate what is happening. The child simply feels that the flow of life is cruelly disrupted and that he teeters on the verge of annihilation should the vital support of the mother be lost or withheld.

Many people are caught in a knot of self-destructive behavior and are unable to see it or appreciate how they themselves have tied it. Each believes the problems lie somewhere "out there," surrounding them but beyond them, rooted in external circumstances. They also believe that the solutions to their problems are "out there" too—the right man, the perfect woman, a more appreciative boss, a more interesting job, the right diet.

The mother's unavailability to supply the emotional fuel dampened or thwarted the child's desire to individuate and become his real self,

His companion grandiose self-image felt good, unique, or special when he received perfect wisdom, direction, and knowledge from the omnipotent mother and father, which he equated with love.

Only when firmly grounded in a strong real self can we live and share our lives with others in ways that are healthy, straightforward expressions of our deepest needs and desires, and in so doing find fulfillment and meaning.

The Search for the Real Self is also about those with an impaired real self who are unable to accomplish the task of finding a fit with their environment, and are compelled to resort to self-destructive behavior patterns—evidence of a false self—that protect them from feeling "bad" at the cost of a meaningful and fulfilling life.

protect them from feeling "bad" at the cost of a meaningful and fulfilling life.

Personal meaning must be created, not accepted, and the process of creating it requires testing and experimentation. A false self will neither test nor experiment; it is a defense against experimenting.

In personal relationships, the false self promises to defend against the intimacy that could lead to engulfment or the pains of abandonment by substituting fantasy relationships with unavailable partners for real relationships. On the job, the false self assures the person that he can avoid the conflicts and anxiety that would come from honest self-assertion with authority figures and peers, competition, and discipline by not working up to his full capacity or ability.