Quotes from Alan Coren

I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.

Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear.

Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we should have people standing in the corners of our rooms.

To have a grievance is to have a purpose in life.

The Act of God designation on all insurance policies... means roughly that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you. If your ox kicks a hole in your neighbor's Maserati, however, indemnity is instantaneous.

Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what it is you want to hear.

Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we would have people standing in the corners of our rooms.

Remember: Enjoy your life today, because yesterday has gone and tomorrow may never come.

ENJOY YOUR LIFE TODAY BECAUSE YESTERDAY HAD GONE AND TOMORROW MAY NEVER COME ..

SHORE-LARK During the week, the shore-lark works in the City and flies home every night with its mate in Wimbledon, where it is a model husband and father. At weekends, however, it migrates briefly on Brighton, on any of one hundred pretexts, where is meets female shore-larks under the pier and seeks to recapture its lost youth.

The Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you.

Since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.

I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.

Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come

Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.

I wonder sometimes if manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.

Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear.

There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn't all the water gush out when you get in?