Quotes from Carol Leifer

I'm always a big fan of if you approach somebody politely about something and you're not a nudge - you're just pretty honest and simple, my kind of philosophy is that I'm not afraid of 'no,' and that's way different than 'I won't take no for an answer.'

It was a mixed marriage. I'm human, and he was a Klingon.

I suddenly had this really mad desire to have an affair with a woman. I was divorced. I was childless. I figured there's got to be one more way to really tick off my mom.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

I don't exercise. My philosophy is: No pain, no pain.

My stand-up act is very clean.

There were very few women comics when I started out doing stand-up. But I always saw that as a great advantage.

Obviously, at this age, I've lost people in my life. But with a parent, it's just different. I was very attached to my father and had this naive little-girl notion that he'd always be around. So I'm finding acceptance of my father's death is the hardest thing to accept.

My kind of gay is like the late-breaking-lesbian kind of gay.

Time flies, though, huh? But I feel young. And do you know how I stay feeling young, ladies and gentlemen? I'll share my secret with you: I live in a senior citizen retirement community.

My father was the kind of guy who'd always say 'Throw out any subject and I got a joke on it.'

I cried when I turned 34 for no other reason than 34 sounded old to me at the time.

Honestly, so much of my book is about the best things in my life have happened since I'm 40.

They're all sources of material. What I love about what I do, the more you talk about your life, there are so many people who have similar experiences.

Making love to a woman is like buying real estate: location, location, location.

My father was a huge influence on me.

I'm not afraid of putting myself out there to someone and then them passing on it. At least you could have gotten a 'yes.' So it's worthwhile to have the cojones to do it.

There are so many opportunities that I could've gotten before if I had just took a little more of a risk.

Just be your authentic self because there's nothing sexier or more beautiful than that.

I think what I would say to my younger self, and probably to younger, just starting-out writers is that a lot of times you're just afraid to put yourself out there, and it's uncomfortable because it's working up the courage to do something, to push yourself to do those things.

I suddenly had this really mad desire to have an affair with a woman. I was divorced. I was childless. I figured there's got to be one more way to really tick off my mom.

When your life flashes before you, do you think that includes every trip you made to the bank?

I think what I would say to my younger self, and probably to younger, just starting-out writers is that a lot of times you're just afraid to put yourself out there, and it's uncomfortable because it's working up the courage to do something, to push yourself to do those things.

Some people have their marriages annulled, which means they never existed. Boy, talk about denial! What do you say when people see your wedding album? 'Oh that was just some play I was in.