Quotes from Joe Bob Briggs

Apparently we love our own cell phones but we hate everyone else's.

Almost every venerable tradition at a men's club starts out as a joke.

Faith is like a kernel of wheat.

As I've said many times, the single most oppressed class in America right now is the teenager.

As I've said many times, the single most oppressed class in America right now is the teenager.

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I went to school in Hooks, Texas, where most people can't even read the name stitched over their own pocket.

The Italians always made good wine, but you had the impression they were friendly guys in straw hats running family vineyards with slaves or something so that the vino was never more than ten bucks a bottle.

There is no post-9/11. Everything from now until the end of time is post-9/11.

I made the mistake of watching "A.I." on cable the week they showed it about 792 times, and I ended up watching it every time it was on.

Discourse is fleeting, but junk mail is forever.

Everything changed in Bosnia, when General Wesley Clark proved that you could fight a war with high- level precision air strikes and a bare minimum of ground action.

In some European theaters, it's still not uncommon to have a late start and three LONG intermissions, because people actually eat and drink and converse during the intermissions.

A universal draft is most often the instrument of Third World dictators.

The best ally you can have in breaking up a street fight is a grandmother.

I AM a male chauvinist. Who's been saying otherwise?

In other words, New York has gone all suburban and bourgeois on us.

It's not a crime to get drunk.

If you hate what you're seeing, you call it sex and violence. If you like it, you call it 'romance and adventure.'