Quotes from Bryan Callen

As an actor, you're never busy enough.

My point of view is that men are basically animals, and I'm okay with that.

If you actually get down to the nitty-gritty of the average Pakistani, the average Indian, the average whoever, what you really do know emotionally is that they're exactly the same.

My dad's idea of punishment was to dress me up in all green to disguise me as grass, and then throw me in the pasture. Cows bit me all over.

You go into an audition, you're either the one or you're not, and if you're not, you go home. And I kind of like that. If you're really good, and you're the best guy in the room that day, you get the job.

It's always a shock to me when I get recognized.

Guys want a 500 horsepower car. I'd rather have one horsepower - in a horse. That's macho. You go to pick up your date and you show up on a horse.

There are so many hot, sexy women in L.A.

Women find men attractive who are aggressive... but later on, they get worried that that aggression, that alpha energy, is going to be turned back against them and their children.

Compare sending someone a text message and getting a love letter delivered by carrier pigeon. No contest.

Guys want a 500 horsepower car. I'd rather have one horsepower - in a horse. That's macho. You go to pick up your date and you show up on a horse.

Comedy is surprise. Comedy is not something that you can, necessarily, do twice.

Some comics really thrive on being disrespectful, especially toward women, and it's somehow understood as edgy, but I'm the opposite. I've never liked curse words for that reason.

Stand-up comedy is all you. It's your show, it's your game. You control every aspect of it - of that experience and that expression. There's really nothing quite as satisfying.

If you're the Rolling Stones, you can sing 'Start Me Up' for 35 years, and people still cheer.

I celebrate masculinity when I'm onstage.

I'm always driven to keep doing something different and better.