Quotes from Diane Morgan

I'm happy doing what I'm doing. I do think, though, there were great comic actors like Thora Hird and Max Wall who only got taken seriously when they did straight roles at the end of their careers.

I think some people can't understand why you wouldn't want kids but I can't see any advantages at all. We're overpopulated as it is. Plus, I hate thinking the only reason I'm here is to pop out a kid or two. I'd rather leave something else behind.

People get so heated about it and can't see the funny side, I think. And plus, everything's been said. It must be really difficult to come up with new jokes about Brexit.

I don't want to play a copper. I couldn't do it.

I want to play oddballs. I want to play weirdos. There's not enough weird. Everything just seems a bit mainstream to me, and I long for anything that's a bit unusual.

But wolves and Huskies, despite surface similarities, are very different creatures. For instance, closer study reveals that the Siberian's brain capacity, muzzle-length, and bite-power are less than that of wolves. And Huskies, like all dogs, come into heat twice a year, rather than only once (like wolves). Certainly a Husky's temperament is that of the thoroughly domesticated dog. Plus, no wolf has blue eyes, a common characteristic in Siberians.

Countless houses were reduced to big piles of bricks and wood, which is sort of what houses are, anyway, but in a different order.

Babbage never foresaw the terrible consequences of his invention, a machine that would autocorrect his name to cabbage, every single time.

The Victorian era produced more Victorian writers than any other period in history.

He narrowly avoided tragedy by dying.

When I was at drama school, people weren't taking pictures of themselves every five minutes. So I didn't realise how I looked. It was only when people started taking pictures of themselves that I looked at myself and thought: 'Oh my God, I look really miserable.' Even when I'm happy I look sad.

I've always wanted to make people laugh. It's been my only ambition, ever since my dad introduced me to the genius of the great comedians: Tony Hancock, Woody Allen, people like that.

Sitcoms are usually sweet with no viciousness.

I've always wanted to do a sketch show. And they've sort of gone out of fashion for a bit, or they've just stopped doing them for whatever reason.

I've only written stand-up and sketch before, so writing something long-form on my own is proving quite difficult. But I'm enjoying it as well.

You can get an interview that goes smoothly at any time.

While other kids were into New Kids on the Block, I was into Harold Lloyd and Stan Laurel.

My neutral accent is Bolton.

I'm often spotted when I'm staring at something open-mouthed and I'm sure people must think I'm not acting.

I'm generally not interested in Shakespeare or 'Broadchurch'. I only want to make people laugh, really.

So I was thinking I go to America. I think that would work, conquering America. Because they're so upbeat and positive and polite.

I don't want to do many panel shows. I'm a comic actor, not a comedian. There would be something wrong in Steve Coogan or Julia Davis doing panel shows all the time.

I'm from a long line of really negative people.