Quotes from Richard Armour

some libraries are no longer called libraries but are known as Learning Resource Centers or Media Centers. Librarians, however, are still generally known as librarians and not yet as Learning Resourcists or Media Centerists, though this may be only a matter of time.

Almost nothing is known about Homer, which explains why so much has been written about him.

Scott calls Bois-Guilbert 'an unprincipled voluptuary,' which is hard to improve on.

It is possible that librarians will be robots, controlled by Master Minds having mastery of a master computer at the Library of Congress. Or there will be no libraries and librarians, flesh-and-blood or otherwise. The onetime library patron will press a button and turn a dial on his TV, whereupon the requested book, in the desired language, will appear on the screen, the pages turning at the designated speed.

William Shakespeare...was baptized on April 26, 1564. When he was born is disputed, but anyone who argues that it was after this date is just being difficult.

you would do well to turn from Chapter XXXVI to Chapter CXXXIII without further delay, thus saving nearly a hundred chapters without anybody's knowing the difference if you keep quiet. After all, Ahab isn't the only one entitled to be a skipper.

A TIDY SPELL" I've just been through a tidy spell, I tell you it's a verity, I've sorted out the things to keep, The things to give to charity. I've sorted out my ties and belts, I've sorted out my shirts, I've sorted out my coats and slacks--- To part with some it hurts. I've sorted out my shoes and socks, I've sorted out my shorts, I've sorted out so much, in fact, That now I'm out of sorts. -by Richard Armour

I've suffered from all of the hang-ups known, and none is as bad as the telephone.

Good sportsmanship we hail, we sing, It's always pleasant when you spot it. There's only one unhappy thing: You have to lose to prove that you've got it.

Until Eve arrived, this was a man's world.

I love a finished speaker, I really, truly do I don't mean one who's polished, I just mean one who's through.

There is no balm of Gilead, No salve, no soothing ointment To stay the pain of one who's had In love a disappointment-- Unless it be that healing lotion Of fixing on a new devotion.

In larger things we are convivial; what causes trouble is the trivial.

Some people can carry a tune, but they seem to stagger under the load.

Middle age is the time of life that a man first notices in his wife.

There are very few humorists who have written first-rate humor after they've become elderly.

(Francis) Bacon's best known writings are his essays. They are loved for many reasons, such as their being so short.

Beauty is only skin deep, and the world is full of thin skinned people.

Of late I appear To have reached that stage When people who look old Who are only my age.

There is some consolation in the fact that, even though your dreams don't come true, neither do your nightmares.

Adolescence is when children start trying to bring up their parents.

Retired is being tired twice, I've thought, first tired of working, then tired of not